"It's not about you..."

These were the words that were spoken to me and many others today by Bishop Gregory Aymond. You see, I attended an ordination mass in Cedar Park today and these words were the focus of the Bishop’s homily. Now I will not repeat his fifteen minute homily, but I will say that we could all stand to hear it again. I just want to share with you how these four words (actually three words and a contraction) have brought me a sense of peace tonight.

I will have to start by telling you about Friday afternoon. I learned Friday afternoon that I was the subject of a rumor at work. The rumor, like most, was completely false. However it still caused me a great deal of pain. I was hurt because I felt like someone close to me (i.e. a co-worker who I am supposed to trust with my life), someone whom I trusted, manufactured a situation and spread the rumor to others. The content of the rumor is unimportant. I do not know who started the rumor and frankly, I do not want to. I probably should not even post about it because now those people at work who do not know what it was and who read this blog, will undoubtedly make an effort to find out.

I was disturbed by the rumor because I feel like it brought my character into question. Let me be honest by saying that I, like all of us, am a sinner. I have been wrong many times in my past and I am sure that I am wrong about some things now, and will be wrong again in the future. I know that I have hurt others by talking behind their back or participating in gossip. I am deeply sorry for those things that I have done. I have worked hard the last year at amending my life. I try hard to be a man of faith, a man of character, a friend, a trustworthy person, etc. However, at times I fail, and my failures cause hurt to other people. I recognize this and am sorry for it.

I was hurt by this rumor simply by the fact that someone brought my character into question. It was doubly painful because they brought my faith and my life in the church into question as well. The whole situation caused me to grow quiet and withdrawn. I became distrustful of others around me, wondering all the time, “who would do such a thing?” I have tried to be a friend to others. I have tried to listen to others in their time of need. I have given my time, opened my heart, and allowed others to see a side of me that has been hidden for a long time. I have tried to show them God’s love. The whole thing ruined my day and my night after I got home. I refrained from blogging last night because I knew that I was not in the right state of mind.

As I was driving to Austin early this morning, I turned off the radio and began to think about the situation. I began to formulate my thoughts for my next blog entry. It was going to be a masterpiece. It would be moving and would convey a message. I had it all figured out.

Then I heard those words from Bishop Aymond, “It’s not about you…”

The fact is, little in my life should be about me. Instead, my life should be about God who dwells within me and works through me. I am not called to make a name for myself, for that will only lead to my destruction as it did for our ancestors. I should not look at my reputation, my financial status, or my material possessions as a measuring stick for how good I have done for myself. The only measuring stick I should use is to look at how well I have done at reflecting God’s love to others. After all, it is all about HIM.

Everything that I do in every moment of my life, should lead others to God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. My accomplishments are not my own, they are God’s. My talents are not my own, they are God’s. The church does not belong to me. It belongs to God. He shares in my joy as well as my hurt. My every thought and action should be about Him.

So why, then, should I be upset that someone finds the need to spread false information about me. It does not matter what their intentions were. I should not worry about what they say for I cannot control it. Again, none of this is about me and it is certainly not about them.

Later in the afternoon today, I watched a video that had a simple point to make: Have you ever noticed how when things in nature grow, they grow in silence? For example, a flower makes no noise when it blooms. A sun makes no noise when it sets. When a child grows inside its mother’s womb, it does not speak.

It is an interesting point when you consider it. We grow in our silence. By closing our mouths, quieting our hearts, opening our ears, and dying to ourselves, we grow closer to God the Almighty.

So then, perhaps the way to deal with these frustrating situations involving rumors, etc. is to simply become silent, consider what was said, remember that it is not about you, and allow yourself to grow.

Peace be with you,

Tom