Dying with Dignity...

Recently there have been several stories in the news, both local and national, of people who have died by their own hand. Whether it was a case of assisted suicide, a cheap attempt at martyrdom in the name of religion, or simply a person who has been overcome by the challenges of life and has given up, some people chose to take the very gift that God has given them into their own hands and chose when it was that they would die. Some would say that they did so in order to die a dignified and meaningful death. I strongly disagree.

There are absolute truths in this world. There are fundamental truths that are not subjective and cannot be debated. These truths are not a matter of debate or personal preference. One such truth is the law of gravity. None of us would think twice about arguing this truth, especially those of us who are more gravitationally challenged than others. Another such truth is that all of us, at some point, will face death head on. Whether it is the death of someone we love or our own death, our bodies will die. Fortunately for us, by the passion, death, and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ, death of the soul has been conquered and we who believe shall live forever.

Life is a gift. This is a truth that must also be accepted. God alone creates life. God has given the gift for a man and woman to express their complete and total love for one another, enjoin themselves to one another, and through God’s grace and the power of the Holy Spirit, create a new life. Along with this freedom comes the ability to choose to end a life. Whether it be through the killing of a child before it leaves the mother’s womb, murder, suicide, accidental death, or assisted suicide, God gives us the freedom to make choices that sometimes lead to death.

The flip side of the coin is that God also gives us the freedom to choose life. We are free to live our lives for the glory of God. We are free to love one another as God has loved us. We are free to fight for the basic human rights of others. We are free to protect the dignity of human life through our moral principles and our legislation. We are free to enjoy the simple pleasures of life itself.

This freedom, however, came at a price. Let us not forget that God Himself, in the person of His Son our Lord Jesus Christ, suffered, died, and was buried for our sins and our sins alone. God sent us His only Son so that we might learn not only how to love and to live, but how to die. Jesus endured betrayal, a broken heart, loneliness, physical pain, and suffering beyond description so that our sins might be forgiven. After being condemned to die, Jesus was scourged thousands of times until his flesh barely remained attached to his body. A crown of thorns was placed on his head mocking his role as King of Kings. Jesus then carried the very cross that would be used to bring about his death, a cross so heavy, that it cut into his shoulders and caused him to fall three times. At Golgotha, he was nailed to the cross. Large metal spikes were driven into each of his hands and both of his feet. Jesus was then hung on the cross between two thieves and allowed to suffer until his death. All the while, Jesus prayed to the Father to forgive us for what we had done.

For some the account of Jesus’ death is nothing more than a story. For some of us, we fail to associate ourselves and our own sins with Jesus’ death. Unfortunately for some, the suffering and death of Jesus means nothing to them at all.

We are a society that is infatuated with self promotion and self gratification. We strive for comfort and pleasure. We are a “drive through” society that allows us to get what we want, when we want it, for very little self sacrifice or effort. We believe that we can control our lives and that we alone have the right to make the decisions that will affect how we live. We believe that life is ours to have and also ours to take if we so choose.

The truth is, we must all learn not only how to live the life of Jesus, but also how to die like him. We must learn to die to our base passions, our lust, our greed, our selfishness. When we hurt, we should look at the pain and suffering as being redemptive. This is not to say that we should be masochistic and take pleasure in pain. However, when faced with a difficult and painful situation, we must then realize that God suffers along with us and will not give us more to bear. I have said before that God will not give us a cross that we cannot carry. Recently I came across this quote from St. Frances de Sales that describes it better:

“The everlasting God has in his wisdom foreseen from eternity the cross that he now presents to you as a gift from his inmost heart. This cross he now sends you he has considered with his all-knowing eyes, understood with his divine mind, tested with his wise justice, warmed with loving arms, and weighed with his own hands to see that it be not one inch too large and not one ounce too heavy for you. He has blessed it with his holy Name, anointed it with his grace, perfumed it with his consolation, taken one last glance at you and your courage, and then sent it to you from heaven, a special greeting from God to you, an alms of the all-merciful love of God.”

On a recent discussion board, I read the following. “A person’s character is defined by how they lived and not how they died.” I disagree with this statement. What about the martyrs and saints who when facing torture and death remained loyal to their beliefs and professed their faith in God? What about St. Maximilian Kolbe who stepped out of line in Auschwitz to take the place of a husband and father who was condemned to die in the death chamber? What about the passengers of Flight 93? We know very little about how they lived, but we honor the manner in which they died. And, of course, let us not forget the death of our Lord Jesus Christ.

To sum it all up, there is no dignity in choosing to take your own life. There is no dignity in choosing death instead of seeing yourself “whither away.” There is no dignity in telling God that you are not willing to suffer any longer. There is nothing that we suffer that God has not already taken upon Himself. Having said that, we must be compassionate towards those who choose to end their life. We must pray to God and ask for His mercy on their souls. Nothing good comes from speaking ill of the dead.

As Catholics, we pray for a happy death. We ask for our Blessed Mother’s intercession at the time of our greatest need. We pray:

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed are thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Pax Tecum,

Tom

It may not be all about me, but it starts with me….

To say that this past week has been difficult would be an understatement. However, the pain and suffering of the last week is best described as growing pains. After listening to Most Reverend Gregory Aymond saying to three men who were about to be ordained to the priesthood, “It’s not about you,” I vowed to work harder at living my life that was less about me and more about Christ.

Immediately upon making this vow, I started to fail miserably in accomplishing my task. It started Sunday morning. Throughout the morning I had difficulty trusting in God. I was overcome with worry about my future and what God had planned for me. I felt uneasy as I knew I had talked about trusting in the Lord, but could not follow my own advice.

Something happens to me when I go to work. I don’t think some people would recognize the person I was this week. Fueled by stress, a lack of sleep, poor diet, and a failure to attend mass daily, I started on a downward spiral. I won’t go into all of the issues at work because they are unimportant to the point I am trying to make. I was consumed by things that I did not think were right. I was overly concerned with what others were and were not doing. I pointed out all the faults and injustices that I perceived to be happening. I was disrespectful, disobedient, uncharitable, and an all around grouch. I blamed the job. I blamed the people. I blamed my unhappiness on everything and everyone other than the true source. I failed to recognize that the problem was me.

This life is not all about me. That is a given, However, I think that Bishop Aymond could have followed up his line with, “but it starts with you.” Instead of worrying about how others are living their lives and how other people’s choices affect you, you should examine your own actions and thoughts to see how well you are living a life of true discipleship. Archbishop Timothy Dolan, in one of his books, is quoted as saying, “the starting point of spiritual growth, the first step in true discipleship, is humble recognition of a profound gratitude for God’s love for us.”

As I left the office on Wednesday I came to a sudden realization that I was in danger. I was in danger of being consumed completely and totally by anger, resentment, jealousy, and self-loathing. It was clearly an attack on the soul. I went to mass and knew that I was in no condition to receive Jesus Christ in the Eucharist. The fact that I was not able to receive the healing power of Our Lord at that moment when I needed it most was a wake-up call. I left mass having resigned my self to rectify the situation. I went to confession Wednesday night and made probably one of my most sincere, heartfelt, and healing confessions.

It was through prayer and the sacraments that I realized that my unhappiness was my own fault. I was allowing myself to be consumed with how others were living their lives. I was judging others by a standard that I, myself, was not living up to. I was looking for reasons to be upset and was taking things too seriously. This weekend I came across a quote from Edward Benson that spoke to me, “How desperately difficult it is to be honest with oneself! It is so much easier to be honest about the foibles of others!”

This week, while difficult, has been one filled with grace as well. This week has taught me that while I am growing in my faith, I still have a lot of maturing and growing to do. St. Francis de Sales has the best advice for us when he says, “Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself. I mean, do not be disturbed with your imperfections, and always rise up bravely from a fall.” There will be times in our lives when all of us fall. Jesus fell three times due to the weight of his cross. How many more times, in our weakness and humanity, will we fall than God Himself? The fall itself is not as important as whether or not you rise up from that fall and grow as a result of it.

I thank God for the gift of this week. Even though I am tired and not happy with how I behaved this week, I am thankful that our Lord forgives us for our faults and our weaknesses. It is in our weakness that we grow closer to God. He does not give us more than we can handle. God has given us the freedom to choose what type of life we will lead. We can choose to be consumed by the things of this world, by pettiness, by judging others, by anger, by resentment, or we can choose to humble ourselves, turn inward to find Christ’s love, and then radiate that love outward to others. To steal a line from a good and faithful priest, “the choice is yours….choose well.”

Pax Tecum,

Tom

Prayer Request

I do not have anything profound to say tonight. I do not have any reflections to share. I simply have a request. I write tonight asking for your prayers for me. Please pray for a special intention. It has been a difficult few days and I could use your prayers. All of you remain in my daily prayers.

Pax Tecum,
Tom

"It's not about you..."

These were the words that were spoken to me and many others today by Bishop Gregory Aymond. You see, I attended an ordination mass in Cedar Park today and these words were the focus of the Bishop’s homily. Now I will not repeat his fifteen minute homily, but I will say that we could all stand to hear it again. I just want to share with you how these four words (actually three words and a contraction) have brought me a sense of peace tonight.

I will have to start by telling you about Friday afternoon. I learned Friday afternoon that I was the subject of a rumor at work. The rumor, like most, was completely false. However it still caused me a great deal of pain. I was hurt because I felt like someone close to me (i.e. a co-worker who I am supposed to trust with my life), someone whom I trusted, manufactured a situation and spread the rumor to others. The content of the rumor is unimportant. I do not know who started the rumor and frankly, I do not want to. I probably should not even post about it because now those people at work who do not know what it was and who read this blog, will undoubtedly make an effort to find out.

I was disturbed by the rumor because I feel like it brought my character into question. Let me be honest by saying that I, like all of us, am a sinner. I have been wrong many times in my past and I am sure that I am wrong about some things now, and will be wrong again in the future. I know that I have hurt others by talking behind their back or participating in gossip. I am deeply sorry for those things that I have done. I have worked hard the last year at amending my life. I try hard to be a man of faith, a man of character, a friend, a trustworthy person, etc. However, at times I fail, and my failures cause hurt to other people. I recognize this and am sorry for it.

I was hurt by this rumor simply by the fact that someone brought my character into question. It was doubly painful because they brought my faith and my life in the church into question as well. The whole situation caused me to grow quiet and withdrawn. I became distrustful of others around me, wondering all the time, “who would do such a thing?” I have tried to be a friend to others. I have tried to listen to others in their time of need. I have given my time, opened my heart, and allowed others to see a side of me that has been hidden for a long time. I have tried to show them God’s love. The whole thing ruined my day and my night after I got home. I refrained from blogging last night because I knew that I was not in the right state of mind.

As I was driving to Austin early this morning, I turned off the radio and began to think about the situation. I began to formulate my thoughts for my next blog entry. It was going to be a masterpiece. It would be moving and would convey a message. I had it all figured out.

Then I heard those words from Bishop Aymond, “It’s not about you…”

The fact is, little in my life should be about me. Instead, my life should be about God who dwells within me and works through me. I am not called to make a name for myself, for that will only lead to my destruction as it did for our ancestors. I should not look at my reputation, my financial status, or my material possessions as a measuring stick for how good I have done for myself. The only measuring stick I should use is to look at how well I have done at reflecting God’s love to others. After all, it is all about HIM.

Everything that I do in every moment of my life, should lead others to God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. My accomplishments are not my own, they are God’s. My talents are not my own, they are God’s. The church does not belong to me. It belongs to God. He shares in my joy as well as my hurt. My every thought and action should be about Him.

So why, then, should I be upset that someone finds the need to spread false information about me. It does not matter what their intentions were. I should not worry about what they say for I cannot control it. Again, none of this is about me and it is certainly not about them.

Later in the afternoon today, I watched a video that had a simple point to make: Have you ever noticed how when things in nature grow, they grow in silence? For example, a flower makes no noise when it blooms. A sun makes no noise when it sets. When a child grows inside its mother’s womb, it does not speak.

It is an interesting point when you consider it. We grow in our silence. By closing our mouths, quieting our hearts, opening our ears, and dying to ourselves, we grow closer to God the Almighty.

So then, perhaps the way to deal with these frustrating situations involving rumors, etc. is to simply become silent, consider what was said, remember that it is not about you, and allow yourself to grow.

Peace be with you,

Tom

Let me be a Lighthouse

When I moved into my new house, my brother-in-law was gracious enough to bring all of my brother’s possessions to my new house. The stuff was being stored in his basement for the past year. I knew that there were a few treasures in there that I was expecting. For example, the picture below is of my brother standing next to an amazing painting of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. It now hangs in my library:

However, there were some that I uncovered that I did not know my brother had. One of the treasures was a large framed print of a lighthouse. The lighthouse is sitting on a small island that is near a coastline. The best way I can describe it is to picture the high cliffs like the ones at Dover but think southern France or Italy. Everything is really green and plush. The waves are crashing up against the island on which the lighthouse rests. The picture is about five feet wide and I placed it above my bed. I was really happy with the picture for several reasons. First, the picture is mostly a light green and it goes well with the green color I painted my walls. Secondly, it is just a beautiful picture and I wish I had taken it myself.

The first few days of waking up and seeing the picture, I could not understand why my brother purchased this picture. Most of his pictures or paintings were of Jesus, the Vatican, or something to do with Texas A&M. Other than this being a beautiful landscape picture, I was not sure why he had it.

I will never know for sure why my brother had that picture or what it meant to him, but the picture has taken on a new meaning to me. I look at that picture now and realize that the lighthouse in that picture is an excellent metaphor for how we are called to live our lives. Bear with me a little bit, I don’t think this is too far of a stretch.

The purpose of a lighthouse is to guide ship captains along the coastline. The lighthouse emits a bright light that can be seen from miles away. It alerts a ship’s captain to the dangerous terrain of the coastline. It also allows the ship’s captain to navigate from one checkpoint to another. The lighthouse provides the ship’s captain with a sense of comfort that someone else is out there helping them along their journey. The lighthouse is most appreciated on a dark, stormy, or foggy night when it is especially difficult for the captain to find his way.

The lighthouse itself stands tall over the horizon. It is constructed in a manner that is resilient to the elements and is meant to sustain strong winds. The windows of the lighthouse must be kept free from dirt, both on the inside and the outside. When the windows become dirty, the bright light contained within is diffracted and may not reach the captain’s eye. The light must be kept burning. There must be adequate fuel on hand to keep the light burning bright, especially when the elements take their toll.

What about the keeper of the lighthouse? Here is a person, be it a man or a woman (I will use the masculine gender for the sake of ease), who makes a great sacrifice to provide a life saving service. The keeper of the light chooses to live in an area that is often isolated from the rest of the world. The keeper chooses to be in the world and not of the world. The keeper will choose to forego some of the everyday luxuries and comforts that you and I enjoy everyday. The keeper of the light, other than a modest stipend, provides this service for the good of others. I am sure there is a certain type of person who chooses to live in this isolation, but that goes beyond this discussion. The keeper must be dependable and always present. Without his care and efforts, the light may be extinguished. If the light goes out, it does not mean that the captain will not find his way. It simply means that there is a greater likelihood that the ship will crash or will be lost.

When I think about the picture in these terms, I have found a new love for it. I still do not know what it meant to my brother, but I know what it means to me and why I will not part with it. My prayer is that God allow me to be a lighthouse for others. Allow me to stand strong in the midst of storms and foggy times. Allow me to keep my windows clean and emit the light of Christ for others. Allow me to make sacrifices of the keeper so that others may see the light and find their way in life. Lord, let me be a lighthouse.

Pax Tecum,

Tom

St. Paul Says It Better

In my previous posts I have made an attempt at articulating my philosophy on how the difficult times in our lives are what builds our character and draws us closer to God. The times in our lives that we think God can’t possibly be present, are the very moments where He draws us in with a tight and loving embrace. Therefore, these moments are not to be avoided or looked upon with fear or sadness. Instead, we must find in them the opportunity to allow God to hurt along with us and to show us His love for us.

I will admit that I am fairly ignorant of some parts of sacred scripture. As I continue to read, I find words that convey my thoughts and feelings much better than I could ever articulate them. The following is the second reading from the Solemnity of the Holy Trinity. I quote the reading here word for word as I feel that St. Paul, by the grace of the holy spirit, has said it best:

Rom 5: 1-5

“ Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access [by faith] to this grace in which we stand, and boast in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we even boast of our own afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance, and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy spirit that has been given to us.”

The gospel reading then goes on to say:

Jn 16:12

“ I have much more to tell you, but you cannot bear it now…”

To me, this single verse, says so much about God’s relationship with each and every one of us. First, God knows all, he is omniscient and omnipotent. That is not a difficult thing to swallow. All of us who believe have come to know that simple fact. The part that I think we overlook is that God knows each and every one of us inside and out. God knows our every thought and emotion. God knows the difference between what we need, what we think we need, and what we want. God is equally present at all times to all of His children and like a good Father, God knows how to provide for us.

God does not give us anything in our lives that we cannot handle. The key to making it through those difficult and stressful times is to allow God to help us along the way. It seems like such a simple concept but we are a proud people. We often refuse the help of others and believe that we gain some sort of power in our independence and our ability to be a “self-made man.” When some people realize that no matter how hard they try, they cannot overcome their difficulties without help, they self-destruct. For some, they give up trying to survive at all.

When times are tough and are the most difficult for us. We must remember that God is there with us during those times. He will not give us anything that we cannot bear with Him, however, if we try to bear the weight of the cross alone, the weight of it all may just crush us altogether.

Pax Tecum,

Tom

Let it Hurt....

The other day I was talking to a friend who was going through a difficult time in her life. To most, her problems may have seemed minor in nature, but the problems were causing her sadness. My first inclination was to say something helpful to her, something that would ease her pain and take away the hurt. The only thing that I could think to tell her was, “let it hurt, but let God hurt along with you.”

After I was done talking to her and was by myself, I began to reflect on the advice I had just given. I was not sure from where those words originated. The words had as much meaning for me and my life as it did for her. Those three words, “let it hurt” make up a difficult lesson that hopefully we all learn at one point in time.

The last year of my life has been difficult to say the least. There have been times of extreme emotional pain and hurt. There have been feelings of helplessness, worry, and misunderstanding. Like most people, when the tough times in my life came about, I did everything I could to bring my life back to normal. I did what I could to avoid feeling the pain and the hurt. I did what I could to be “happy” once again.

It is a natural human instinct to avoid pain. If our hand touches a hot stove, our hand will involuntarily jerk itself away from the heat to prevent further injury. Our body has several ways of protecting itself from injury. When we are hurt and are suffering, we will often pray to God to ease our pain and to bear our cross. However, not all pain and suffering will lead to our demise.

It is in our pain that we are able to turn inward and find our true inner person, the person that God intended for us to be. When we turn inward we are able to ignore all of the external distractions of the world. We are able to worry less about what the world wants us to be and consider more who we truly are.

We are told from a young age that we can control our lives. If we work hard enough and study hard enough we can be whatever we want. We are told that the opportunities for how we can live our lives are endless and we are free to be whatever and whoever we want. Some people spend too much time trying to be what the world wants them to be or what others think that they are. Some people will pursue degrees, careers, or relationships that the world tells them they need to pursue. Living your life in this manner may bring what you think is acceptance and, in turn, a sense of happiness. When things go “according to plan” you are lifted up and rise up. The problem is, the higher you rise, the further you have to fall when those great humbling and painful moments come about.

By examining your inner self and knowing who it is that God wants you to be, you are able to stay grounded. You begin to realize what it is in your life that brings about true happiness, the happiness that does not allow you to position yourself on a pedestal thinking that you are in total control. The pain and suffering of the fall become redemptive. The pain breaks down those false images of what we need to be. The pain tills the soil of our soul so that new growth can occur. We use our faith to water and nurture the seed that God, Himself, has planted. Notice that God loves us too much to just fix our problems. Instead, God suffers with us and continues to show us His love. Let us not forget that God demonstrated His love for us through His own passion, death, and resurrection. The resurrection, though, could not have happened without the crucifixion.

In the end, one of two things happen; we either work through the difficult times and learn from the experience, or we allow the experience to destroy us completely.

I know this entry is a little less developed and organized than the others. I am sorry if it doesn’t make sense, but it is what is on my mind today and I am having difficulty articulating it.

I think I finally have an answer to the age old question, “why does God allow bad things to happen to good people?” My answer is simply, “because He loves us that much.”

Pax Tecum,

Tom