Wednesday, May 30, 2007

A Sweet Ending...

This morning was one of those mornings where very little went right. I don’t know what the problem with me was this morning. Perhaps I did not get enough sleep. I walked into work and the agitation began. I can’t really explain all of the issues that are going on at work but it was a frustrating morning. To sum it all up, I have a ton of work to do and not enough time to do it all. I tell myself to just put in an honest day’s work and don’t worry about what you do or do not get done. It just seems like there is no end or relief in sight. Some days I deal with this better than others.

Today I did a horrible job of dealing with the stress and it resulted in anger. I saw what was happening but felt powerless to stop it. Finally, at lunch I found some relief. I went to mass and asked God for His forgiveness and His help in dealing with the different issues. It was a good mass. I am not sure that I was able to get myself in the most prayerful mood. For whatever reason, the agitation was hard to let go of and leave at the foot of the cross.

I heard the readings but they did not lead me to any deep reflection like the ones last week. It’s not that the readings were any less meaningful today. I just don’t think that I was in the proper state to receive them. Before mass the agitation and frustration felt like an infection that I could not get rid of. It taught me a good lesson in making sure that there is adequate time to place you in the proper prayerful state before mass. I felt more peace when I left mass, but I certainly was not looking forward to going back to work.

I had to go to another department for most of the afternoon. It was good to be out of the office for a while. One of my co-workers called me a couple of my times on my cell phone but I could not answer. I finally called him back close to around five o’clock. He wanted to know if he could have a piece of the pie that was sitting on my desk. I asked him what pie he was talking about. Apparently while I was out of the office, an older couple who I helped with a problem more than a year ago was in town and dropped off a chocolate pie for me as a way of saying thank you. This couple is special to me for various reasons. They were one of the first couples that I was able to help when I was new to my current assignment. They were just a really neat couple and I was glad that I could make a difference for them. They always seem to show up at the right times.

A few months ago, I was having a morning similar to this one. I was questioning whether or not I wanted to remain in my current assignment and was considering making a change. Later that afternoon this couple showed up to ask me for some advice on an issue. The question they had for me did not pertain directly to my line of work, but they trusted me and wanted to know what I had to say. It was good to see them and great to give them a hug. They were able to remind me why it is that I do what I do. They are the reason that I am able to make it through the difficult moments and the stressful times. Being able to help people in that way is why I got into my job in the first place.

When I returned from work I found the pie on my desk with a note from the couple that simply said, “Enjoy.” I found out that many people were pacing back and forth wondering who the pie was from and if they could have a piece. Suffice to say, I shared the pie and I shared the story of the couple who brought the pie. I was embarrassed by how I had acted earlier in the day. I thank God for the subtle reminder and the sweet ending to my day. Even though I had stumbled and erred in my ways, God picked me up, dusted me off, and showed me His love.

As sweet as the pie was, it will not last. My relationship with the couple and the reminder of what it means to truly help people will remain. My God and His love for me will reign for eternity. The sweetest ending to this day will be reconciling myself with God and His Church through the holy sacrament of confession. I hope all is well with each of you.

Pax Tecum,

Tom

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

First Few Blogs

Not that anyone cares or I think anyone will read this, but I have decided to blog occasionally. Here are a few other blogs that I have posted on myspace and facebook. If nothing else maybe you will find them entertaining.


May 24, 2007

I am not one who typically blogs much. Mainly, because I do not think that my thoughts or feelings are profound enough that anyone would care to read them. However, today I felt like writing down some of the thoughts I had throughout the day today. I write them mostly for personal reflection and so that I can read them at a later time, but also in case someone else finds meaning in them.

I knew that today would be a difficult day. Today is the one year anniversary of my brother’s death. It seems like more than ten years since the accident. It seems like much more than that since I have heard his voice and saw his smile. He was a good and holy priest and an awesome brother. et lux perpetua luceat ei…

I went to mass this morning and it was one of those days where the readings really spoke to me. The first reading was from Acts. In the reading we hear our Lord tell Paul, “Take courage. For just as you have borne witness to my cause in Jerusalem, so you must also bear witness in Rome.” Just when Paul thinks that the end is near, the Lord tells him he has other plans for Paul. Paul may have had the ending right, but his timing was off. The Lord promises to stay by Paul’s side and protect him on his journey. It is comforting to know that our Lord will never leave our side and will comfort us and protect us in our times of need. It is easy to forget this during our difficult times and times of suffering. The Lord does not give us a cross to bear without giving us the graces necessary to bear it. However, we can choose to ignore and even reject God’s saving grace.

It has been a difficult week. Nothing major has happened but I have had a few hard days where I feel like the devil just kicked my butt. I realize my times of sin and am upset at how I reacted to the situation. It is often said that we should be tabernacles for Christ and take him out into the world. I think it is better said that we should be a monstrance for Christ so that he may be visible to all we meet and not hidden away by a golden door (not my original thought, but one I borrowed; the source is unknown, sorry). I felt as though I kept Christ hidden during these difficult times.

The responsorial psalm had a gentle reminder for me in regards to the devil’s attacks. “Keep me safe, O God; you are my hope.” The psalm goes on to say, “because you will not abandon my soul to the nether world, nor will you suffer your faithful one to undergo corruption.”

The gospel then prompted me to think even more about the world and how we choose to live our lives. In the Gospel John tells us of Jesus’ prayer to his Father, “I pray not only for these, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, so that they may all be one, as you, Father, are in me and I in you, that they also may be in us, that the world may believe that you sent me. And I have given them the glory you gave me, so that they may be one, as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may be brought to perfection as one, that the world may know that you sent me, and that you loved them even as you loved me. Father, they are your gift to me…”

Notice that Jesus prays to the Father that we all be one. Jesus calls for unity. All men and women are made in the image and likeness of God. All men and women are loved by God equally. Jesus and his Father do not want us to be separated. I notice that we (notice I do not say ‘some people’ or ‘they’) will often separate ourselves out from the rest of the world, especially when we do not agree with what a particular person or group is doing with their life. We are quick to point out the faults in others, especially when they are obvious. Sometimes we point this out to ourselves mentally and other times it is verbalized or in our written word. We may be well intentioned at times, but we still separate ourselves even if only in our mind. We fail to see that “those people” even in their misguided moments are also children of God. They are not loved by God any less than us. If they hurt, then we also hurt. We are all members of the mystical body of Christ. So why then do we talk about what our friends do, or how some people do this and others do that? We are at times afraid to recognize our own humanity and our sinfulness because we believe that what we are doing is right. We believe that we are given some sort of credibility to speak about the faults of others because we go to mass and are active in our church. I have said it before and say again, is it not better to see the church in the man than to see the man in church? It is much easier to identify the faults in others and point them out, even pray for them, than it is to turn inward, examine our hearts, minds, and souls and recognize those times where we separate ourselves from God. We must, ourselves be united with God, in order to join ourselves to others. In a book that I recently read by Catherine de Hueck Doherty, she says, “It is by becoming one with the Trinity, which is the uncreated and first community, that we can become one with humanity.”

This does not mean that we should not help those of our brothers and sisters who are separating themselves from God recognize the effect of their actions, but we must do so in a loving and charitable way as if we were the ones in need of the help. We are called to love as Jesus has loved us. Jesus considers us all a gift from the Father. I am sure that He did not ask for a gift receipt, even when the gift he was given was already broken.

I guess my overall point is, we should stop separating ourselves from our brothers and sisters in Christ. If one person suffers, we all suffer. Let us not create more division in the world by drawing lines in the sand. The only time that we should look down on another man is if we are bending over to help him up (again, not mine, source unknown).


I left mass quiet and reflecting on what God just said to everyone who heard mass this day. It was a wonderful way to start the day. As I was driving to work I pulled in behind a vehicle. On the vehicle was a bumper sticker that read, “God bless the world…no exceptions.” (or words to that effect). I responded with one word, verbally, even though I was alone, “Amen.”


Pax tecum,

Tom


May 25, 2007 Friday of the Seventh Week of Easter

“Follow me.”

These two words, when first heard, seem to be such a simple command. Even most animals, when placed in a straight line, will follow the one in front of them without giving it a second thought. We all know one or two people in our lives that we trust enough that we would follow them to the ends of the earth, even in the face of danger. Why then is it such a challenge, when our Lord Jesus Christ commands us to, “Follow me.”? Why do we doubt? Why do we ask for assurances? Why do we not submit completely and follow Him based on faith alone?

We must understand the context in which Jesus tells Peter to follow him. After the passion, death, and resurrection of Jesus, Peter is somewhat bewildered and I dare say almost despondent. Despite having received the teachings of our Lord and being assured by our Lord Jesus that everything would be okay, Peter did not know what he was going to do. Of course Peter wanted to be faithful and obedient to Christ, he just was not sure how to go about doing it. Peter was waiting for something, but he was not sure when the something he was waiting for would come. So, Peter, not knowing what he should do, does what he knew best. He went fishing.

Peter and the other disciples cast out their nets in all directions. Each time they cast the nets they hoped to pull in a bountiful harvest. They hoped to pull in food that would sustain them, provide them food, and make for a happy meal. Each time that they cast the nets in the directions of their choosing, they gave up. Then, a stranger appears to them on the shore and asks them if they have caught anything. The stranger then tells them to cast their nets out over the right side of the boat. Peter and the others know that they have already cast their nets in this direction and came up empty. However, they figure it would not hurt anything and so they cast their nets again. We all know that this time, the net catches a large number of fish. Only after the net is pulled up full does Peter realize who the stranger is. Peter then rushes to the shore to greet Jesus.

Then, perhaps one of the most forgotten meals occurs, the first breakfast. This meal is often forgotten in light of the Last Supper. However, this meal is of great importance. Jesus sits down and shares the fish with the disciples. Fish that were caught based on the disciples willingness to listen to our Lord even though they did not know the advice was coming from Him. He then goes on to give further instruction to Peter and I will reflect on that a bit later.

We all have moments in our lives when we are not sure what God’s will is for us. We wonder what it is that God wants us to do with our lives, our relationships, our jobs, our education, or our vocation. Last night I attended the graduation for our local high school students. Several of the kids were parishioners at my church. I know many of them were wondering what would come next in their lives. Many were no doubt praying to know God’s will for their life. If only God would tell us in no uncertain terms what it is that he wants us to do, we would do it with great vigor. If only we could hear that voice from the shore telling us what to do.

Not having a clear idea of what God wants, we cast out our nets. Unfortunately the directions in which we cast our nets are not always the same as God would have us cast them. We look for happiness and God’s will in the wrong places. For some people, they seek out a relationship that, while it makes them feel comfortable, loved, and secure, the relationship is often harmful to the person and his or her relationship with God. The relationship, due to its faults and the fact that it is based on a foundation of sand instead of stone, leads the person to sin and away from God. For others, they remain in a situation that they know does not provide them an opportunity to grow as individuals and grow in their love for God. We sometimes choose to remain where we are and do nothing to change our lives because we fear the unknown. Still others will be so worried about choosing God’s will that they will miss that gentle calling from God to cast out their nets. They will discount the voice as being that of a stranger or our inner conscience and not that of God. They do not here Christ say, “Follow me.” Some hear Him say the words but want to know where Christ is taking them first before they will go.

And finally, there are those who have little regard for the will of our Lord. They have lost hope or perhaps faith and cast out their nets in very dangerous directions. I am speaking of those of us who look for happiness in sex, pornography, masturbation, drugs, alcohol, abuse of others, or material possessions. While it seems that these nets catch a lot of fish at times, the fish are too small and slip through the holes in the nets. The fish are never quite enough to sustain us and provide us the nourishment we need. In fact, they poison our minds and souls and continue to separate us from God.

My prayer to God for me and each and every one of us is that the Holy Spirit will give us the grace to open our ears to the calling of our Lord to cast out our nets and reap a bountiful harvest. May we have the faith necessary to follow the Lord without worry, without question, and without doubt the He will lead us to the Father.

“I love you.”

These three words when said with the proper meaning and full of heart are three of the most powerful words in any language. When said properly they can comfort those in pain or despair, they can give hope to those who feel lost, they can bring great joy to a father or mother when they are said by their children, and they can strengthen a bond between a man and a woman. However, I believe that these three words have had their meaning diluted due to the improper use of them and saying them without knowing what they mean.

To find the meaning of love one could look in a dictionary. There are all sorts of technical, philosophical, and psychological meanings of the word love. However, for the purposes of this reflection I will stick with the most complete definition that I know. Deus Caritas Est. God is love. Jesus tells us to love one another as he has loved us. We have been given the perfect model of love and yet we do not always follow it. We allow our lust to be called love. We allow our affections or affinities to be called love. We even allow our addictions to be called love. Our society’s definition of love has become so muddled that the words have almost lost their meaning. True love is to lay one’s life down for your friends. True love means giving yourself totally and completely to another. True love means wanting what is best for another person even if it means it will cause you some difficulty or hardship. True love is in the Eucharist. True love is Christ’s passion, death, and resurrection.

So why then does Peter become upset when the Lord asks him three times, “Do you love me?” Peter tells the Lord that of course he loves him and that the Lord knows that he loves them. Peter has forgotten or chooses to ignore that just recently he denied that he even knew Jesus three times. During a time when Peter had a great opportunity to demonstrate his love for Jesus, he was nowhere to be found. Please do not think that I am bashing Peter here. There comes a time in all of our lives where we fail to demonstrate our love for our Lord Jesus Christ. We deny him countless times. We ignore the opportunities he gives us to demonstrate our love. We even fail to allow ourselves to feel God’s love and mercy. How many times must the Lord ask each one of us, “do you love me,” before we give a meaningful and truthful response?

The Lord tells Peter then to “tend my sheep,” and to “feed my sheep.” If Peter really loves the Lord then he will love God’s people and lead them to Christ. The next time that you say the words, “I love you,” say them with meaning. Let there be no need for someone to wonder whether or not they are loved by you. Do not simply say the words but show them by your actions that you love them. And then, having discovered the meaning of what it is to love, listen to our Lord Jesus Christ as he says, “Come. Follow me.”

Pax Tecum,

Tom

May 26, 2007

Being a new homeowner, I have learned many things. One thing I have learned is to never expect something to be installed, delivered, or repaired correctly the first time. You can hope that all goes well, but you certainly should not expect it. Today I was working on installing my DSL service. I had received the hardware in the mail, I had received the phone call from Verizon saying that everything was good to go, and I read all the instructions. I am not a techno geek by any means but I would like to think that I am competent in reading and following instructions.

I followed Verizon’s instructions word for word. I went to connect to the internet and nothing happened. I rebooted the computer, the modem, the computer and the modem; I tried everything. Finally I decided to give up my pride and call the technical assistance line. I spent thirty minutes on the phone with a very patient man named Mohammed. He tried all that he could think of and then passed me along to a man he said was more talented than him. The second man, Brian, could not help me either. The end result of my hour of frustration was that there was a technical problem with the “wiring in the central office.” I was told to try my luck in 48 hours and if it was not fixed call back. I was a little frustrated but not upset. The situation was obviously out of these two gentlemen’s control.

While working with the DSL guys something more profound happened. My doorbell rang while I was on the phone and I answered the door with the phone in my ear. The man at the door was with DirectTV and he was coming to do an installation. He had picked up my newspaper off my driveway and handed it to me. I apologized to him for being on the phone and explained to him what was going on. I asked him to come inside and wait for me for a few minutes. I knew this man probably had other installations scheduled and I felt bad for making him wait. He patiently came in and stood in the foyer. I had to walk back into the kitchen where my laptop was and do something on my computer for the DSL guy.

After several minutes, I went to apologize again to the older gentleman from DirectTV. It was raining outside at the time and I knew that he was probably not looking forward to putting up a satellite dish in the rain. I did not see him in the foyer and was not sure where he went. I started to walk into my library which is located just to the left of my front door. Before I go on, I want to briefly describe the library. The room was originally intended as a formal dining area or a study. I painted the walls a deep maroon and lined the walls with bookcases. On one wall is a painting of Jesus of Divine Mercy. On the other wall is the central focus of the room, a painting of the Sacred Heart of Jesus that belonged to my brother. I have other pictures of Pope JP II the Great, my brother, and my father displayed in the room. There are two large overstuffed chairs in the room making it a great place to read, pray, or just relax.

As I rounded the corner to the library, I saw that the gentleman from DirectTV had removed his hat and was on bended knee in prayer in front of the painting of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. The scene was beautiful and touched me greatly. There have been many delivery people in an out of my house over the course of the past week. Several of my friends and family members have also been through the house. I had not observed any of them pay such tribute to Our Lord as this man. I should say here that just because I did not observe them does not mean that they did not pay tribute.

I backed away quietly so as not to disturb the gentleman and went back to the kitchen. When I got off the phone, the man came out and politely asked me what he could do for me today. He then put on his rain coat, grabbed his ladder, and went to work outside in the rain. He worked hard and took great care not to damage my house. He assured me several times that he would take care of my house and would not make a mess. Of course, I instantly believed him and knew that his word was all that I needed.

Today was just another example to me that God speaks to us in some of the most beautiful yet subtle ways. It is through these everyday, almost insignificant events, that God reminds us of His love and bolsters our hope in our fellow man.

Pax tecum,

Tom

May 29, 2007

There’s no place like home…

So I have not written anything in a couple of days. I have been busy this weekend attempting to get my house situated. I never knew there was so much to do in a new house. My internet did not get fixed until this morning so I did not have an opportunity to post anything anyway.

Two of my friends from church came over on Sunday afternoon and Monday evening to help me put some things in place. My kitchen now has a fresh layer of shelf paper on all of my shelves, cabinets, drawers, etc. Another major task was accomplished in putting all of my books and my brother’s books onto the shelves in my library. At first I did not think they would all fit, but we got them all on the shelf. Of course, I cannot buy anymore because they would not fit. The library is spectacular and is by far my favorite room in the house. It is a great room to read, visit, pray or whatever.

Today after work I went to Linens N Things. I never knew how dangerous that store can be…even for a guy. I am not all that talented in the decorating area, but just because I am a bachelor does not mean my house has to look that way. The days of hand me down furniture, mix and match towels, and beer signs on the wall are over. College was fun, but after being out of school for six years, it is time to live like an adult. I got a female friend to help me at Linens N Things. I about choked when I went to check out. It was an experience I don’t want to talk about.

However, one thing that I realized is that once you get everything home and put into place, it looks fantastic. You tend not to think about what it cost you and you take a great deal of pride in what you own. I don’t want to give the impression that I went on a spending spree and am living beyond my means because I didn’t. I do finally have nice things though and am seeing the fruits of my many nights working the hospital for extra money and other jobs like that.

My roommate saw the expression on my face tonight and knew that I was happy with how things were coming together. I am proud of my home. I realize how abundantly God has blessed me with everything that I have. Despite a difficult year, I realize I am blessed. Just thinking about it all brings me to tears.

I told my roommate that when I was young I did not like to have friends over to my house. I am ashamed to admit this now as an adult, but as a child I was embarrassed to bring my friends over to my house. My father was disabled from a stroke and was not always able to control his emotions. It made for some embarrassing moments if someone who did not understand his illness was at the house. I realize how incredibly shallow and disgusting that is, but cut me some slack, I was 8 – 13 years old. It was nobody’s fault; it was just my own insecurity. My mother did everything in her power to give me a happy childhood and she succeeded. I love her dearly for that.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. I am proud to have a house where I can have my friends over at any minute. Almost everything in the house was bought and paid for by my efforts at work and my career. There are many things in this house that remind me of who I am and how far in life I have come. I am blessed more than I deserve with a beautiful home, beautiful friends, beautiful family, and a beautiful life.

God Bless,

Tom