"Clean your room!"

These were three of my least favorite words to hear when I was growing up. During the summer I would often hear my mother tell my brother and I, “By the time I get home from work I want your room clean.” When my brother and I shared a room we would spend more time arguing about to whom the mess belonged than if we just worked together to clean up the mess. As I got older and had my own room there was no one else I could blame the mess on. However, just because I knew it was my mess that did not mean that I had sufficient motivation to clean it up as soon as I was asked. Instead I would wait for mom to call and tell us that she was on her way home before I started “cleaning.” As soon as I hung up the phone the flight of the bumblebee began. I frantically shoved clothes (clean or dirty it didn’t matter) into drawers and hid toys in my closet. Of course, there was no fooling mom. She knew my tricks. She wasted no time in opening the closet doors, desk drawers, dresser drawers, etc. to discover my feeble attempts to hide the mess.

In college, neither my roommate nor I was overly concerned about keeping the room clean. When you ran out of clothes you simply turned over the pile and started from the bottom (ok I am exaggerating a little but not by much). The point is we were free. There was no one there to tell us to clean up our mess. Of course, living in a college dorm you always know when someone’s parents are coming to visit. You begin to hear these strange sounds coming from their room. One of the noises is a loud machine-like whirring that lasts for about ten to fifteen minutes. The other is a periodic hissing noise that sounds like air escaping from a bicycle tire. There is a strange smell of lemon or pine replacing the odors we had been accustomed to. Of course, over time you learn that the sounds are caused by a vacuum cleaner and a can of Pledge spray. Whenever you heard, saw, or smelled these things there was only one conclusion to draw, the parents are coming.

After college, as I lived with roommates in an apartment or a house, I developed a different level of cleanliness. I always insisted on keeping the public areas of the house clean. I would make sure the dishes were done and would even sweep, mop, vacuum, and dust regularly. I didn’t want anyone to think that I lived like a pig. My room, however, was another story. My room was never dirty but it was almost always messy and disorganized. I knew where everything was but there was no way someone else could safely navigate the hazardous piles of stuff left in my room. Not much changed when I bought my own home. The public areas were kept clean and I took fairly good care of the lawn. However, the door to my room remained closed. After all, I was single and celibate. What did it matter what my room looked like? That was no one else’s business but my own.

As I left for seminary, I would like to tell you that all of my bad habits were purified. However, you could always tell how my semester was going by the condition of my room. By the end of the semester the mess in my room would accumulate. Papers, books, clothes, etc. would begin to pile up as I no longer thought I had time to clean my room. I would rather live in the mess than find the time to clean it. The funny thing is that no matter how messy my room would get, I always made my bed in the morning. I don’t know what to make of that. Whenever I would leave for an extended break I would spend a great deal of time cleaning and organizing my room. I remember growing up that whenever we would go on vacation my mom would spend quite a few hours cleaning every inch of the house before we left. She always said that she cleaned it for two reasons. The first was that if something happened to us on vacation she did not want anyone to think that we kept a dirty house (sorry mom for letting the secret out). The second reason was that it made her feel good to come home to a clean house. It was this second reason that kept me cleaning my room before I left the seminary for more than a few days.

I want to share just a few more thoughts about cleaning before I get to the point. Drawing from my own experience with hiding my mess, I learned as a police officer how much people will reveal to you if you simply watch them. Often times the person will stand in between you and whatever the person does not want you to find. They will often point subconsciously to the ‘mess’ with their eyes and their body language. I now understood how my mother always knew where to find my ‘mess.’ I also realized over time that I knew I was comfortable with another person when I didn’t even bother trying to straighten up before inviting them to my house. I didn’t have to put on a show. They could call and say they were five minutes from the house and I didn’t immediately go into flight of the bumblebee mode. I was comfortable with them seeing my ‘mess.’

Take a minute and re-read this reflection but replace the word ‘room’ with ‘soul’ and you will understand my point. There are many ‘messes’ in our life. Some of them we try to clean regularly. Some of them we simply try to hide under the bed or in a drawer. We compartmentalize them from the rest of our life. After all they are no one else’s business but our own. They don’t hurt anyone but me, right? Sometimes we spend a great deal of time and effort cleaning up a 'mess' only to have it reappear. We get so tired of cleaning the same 'mess' over and over that we are tempted to give up and resign ourselves to living in the 'mess.' With great reverence and charity I dare to say that for some of us, it has been so long since we have properly cleaned our ‘rooms’ (i.e. Act of Contrition, Sacrament of Reconciliation, etc.) that we have forgotten what the vacuum and the dusting spray sound like. Some of us choose to go into the frantic mode of straightening up when we find out that the Father is on His way to see us or better yet, we are on our way to see Him. Some of us pride ourselves on the fact that at least our house is not as messy as our neighbors. We spend a lot of time pointing out the mess in other people’s lives. (See Luke Ch.6)

The thing is, when we go to see the Father, whether at Mass, adoration, a retreat, work, the kids’ soccer practice, or a friend’s home for dinner, we bring our mess with us. There is no point in hiding it from Him who sees everything. I am reminded of the psalmist’s words, “O Lord, you have probed me and you know me; you know when I sit and when I stand; you understand my thoughts from afar. My journeys and my rest you scrutinize, with all my ways you are familiar. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know the whole of it. Behind me and before, you hem me in and rest your hand upon me…Where can I go from your spirit? From your presence where can I flee? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I sink to the nether world, you are present there…” (Psalm 139).

This summer I have spent a great deal of time cleaning my ‘room’. I am opening the dresser drawers, looking under the bed, and finding all of those messes that I have tried to hide to give the appearance of cleanliness. Most of these ‘messes’ are nothing more than dust on a shelf and yet the Lord is asking me to give them to Him. I have searched my heart and allowed God to probe my inmost being to find those things that need to be brought to Him so that I can be healed. To be honest, I don’t like cleaning my ‘room’ now anymore than I did as a child. The point I want to share with you is that not every ‘mess’ needs to be cleaned before we welcome Jesus into our ‘rooms’. As a matter of fact, Jesus is waiting for us to invite Him into the ‘messes’ of our life. After all, Jesus is a gentleman who awaits our invitation. He will not force His way into our ‘room’. He will not take back the freedom He has purchased for us with His own body and blood. As I learn to be comfortable with Jesus amidst my ‘mess,’ I am coming to realize, like the lesson I learned from working together with my brother to clean our room, the job is easier when I allow Jesus to help me clean.

Whatever the ‘mess’ might be in your life (i.e. marital problems, cancer, loss of a loved one, a habitual sin, loss of a job, change in a relationship, feelings of being unlovable, feelings of low self-worth, pride, etc.) invite Jesus to be with you in the ‘mess.’ Then together, along with the Blessed Mother and the saints, allow Jesus to help you in cleaning your ‘room.’ After all, there will come a time when you will have to return home from this journey (we all know it’s not always a vacation!) in a foreign land. What a joy it is to come home to a clean house!

Please continue to pray for me as all of you remain in my daily prayers.

Pax Tecum,
Tom