"Mary has chosen the better part..."

This past weekend I had the privilege of taking thirteen members of our youth group to the Zion Retreat. The retreat was held at St. Thomas More Parish in Austin, TX. It was an amazing weekend and I really enjoyed myself. The following is a brief excerpt from my prayer journal that I wanted to share with you:

“I am at St. Thomas More Parish in Austin for the Zion trip. I am here with thirteen of our wonderful kids from STAY (St. Thomas Aquinas Youth). The kids are in their small groups right now so I have some free time.

I wish that I was able to write down every thought or movement of the heart. I have had some great prayer experiences this weekend. Last night the kids were working on something in the parish hall. It was fairly quiet and they were playing some soft music. I was talking to Betsy (one of the other CORE team members) and we both got quiet. I felt a strong urge to take my rosary out and pray so I did. Since it was Friday I prayed the Sorrowful Mysteries. However, this was the first time that I prayed the rosary by myself without my prayer books. I don’t know that I did it perfect, but I definitely did it with a pure heart. It was a profound moment for me for two reasons.

The first reason is that I realized how much progress I have made, by the power of the Holy Spirit, over the course of the last year in terms of my prayer life. Last year I could not really say the rosary with a prayer book much less spontaneously. I was focused during the prayer and I was praying because I wanted to and not because I needed to or felt obligated to.

The second reason is that I realized that I was in the middle of a crowded room praying. I am typically a private person and tend to not let very many people see who I truly am. Even those who feel they are the closest to me don’t always get to see the real me. However, as I was praying, I felt as if no one else was in the room. It was a conversation between me and God. Also, I did not care if anyone saw me and I wasn’t doing it so that they would. My heart was just moved very strongly to stop and pray.

Another interesting point about this particular rosary was that I was not praying for myself. I have always prayed for others but typically in the past, when I have been moved to pray it was because I needed God’s help. I was praying intently for the spiritual growth of all of the teens in the room. I was also praying for a particular teen who could not come on the retreat. When I finished I put the rosary back in my pocket. I looked around the room and nothing had changed. It was as if time had stopped while I was praying. It was a great experience.

This morning I got to enjoy an ice cold shower in the shower trailer. It was a little bit painful but I was thankful for the opportunity to be clean. We had quite a bit of free time this morning while the kids were doing other things, including confession. I took the opportunity to go to a little grotto area that they have here at the church. There is a statue of there of the Blessed Virgin Mary and some benches there. I sat and fed the mosquitoes while I prayed the rosary. Again, I prayed for one of the teens who could not make the trip. When I was done, I realized that both the mosquitoes and I were very hungry. God fed both of us during that rosary.

I then walked the Stations of the Cross that they have in a wooded area here. It was a nice morning and a good walk. I am not sure that I can articulate what I was feeling at the time. All I know is that for the first time in a long time, I knew that I was not making that walk alone.

After the walk, I went back to the parish hall where they were doing some praise and worship. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a horrible singer. However, I did not care. I sang because I was singing to God and He thinks I sound great. I closed my eyes, opened my hands, and poured my heart out to the Lord. The funny thing is, it felt right. I did not feel awkward and I was not self-conscious. The Holy Spirit was working within me. I did not want it to end.

So, sitting here now several hours later, I have to ask myself, “Why is it so easy on a retreat to be in tune with the Holy Spirit and not at home?” The answer, at least for me, is the environment. While on a retreat, I am free from the many distractions that exist in our lives. I am free from most temptations to sin. I am surrounded by other people who have freely chosen to take off their masks and be who they really are. I am with people who have freely chosen to put God first, others second, and themselves third.

The challenge then is how to be the same in the secular world as I am on the retreat. It is no small challenge.”

So, maybe that entry was not so brief but it helps me with my next point. The Gospel reading this week was the story of Martha and Mary. Jesus comes to visit the house of Martha and Mary. Mary (not his mother) chooses to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to his teachings. Martha, on the other hand, is scurrying about the house cleaning, cooking, and trying to make sure everything is perfect for the guests. Martha becomes upset with her sister for not helping and asks Jesus to tell Mary to help her.

Sometimes in life we need to stop what we are doing and sit at the feet of the Lord. For me, the gospel was lived out while on a retreat in Austin. Once I slowed myself down and freed myself from the weight of anxiety and stress, I was able to hear God speak to me. I was able to spend time with Him and feel His presence. Had I not sat down like Mary, surely I would have missed what He had to say.

And so now I say Amen even louder as I hear Jesus’ words to Martha:

“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.” Luke 10:41

Pax Tecum,

Tom

La...la...la...la

One of the most frustrating things for me is to have a conversation with someone who simply will not listen to what you are trying to say. We have all had those conversations where both you and the person that you are talking to are absolutely convinced that they have the entire truth about the topic of conversation. There is no convincing them. There is no relenting in your own position. It becomes a dual monologue duel instead of a dialogue. Often times we find ourselves simply waiting for the other person to stop talking so that we can convince them of our point of view.

As children, we had a much simpler way of dealing with the problem. If our parents or our friends told us something that we did not want to hear, we quickly enacted the most rational, most mature, most effective plan that we could so as not to be convinced that we were wrong. We would cover our ears and shout in a loud voice, “La…la…la…la…I can’t hear you!” We would continue to do this until the other person finally gave up and stopped talking.

I got to wondering. How often do you think that God sees us as those stubborn little children with their hands over their ears making an active effort to ignore Him? The fact is God speaks to us in a very real way. There were many times growing up where I became distraught because I could not hear God speaking to me. There would be tragic situations in my life or on the news and I would ask myself, “Where is God in this?” Other times I would pray and pray only to have my prayer seemingly unanswered. I thought that I was unable to hear God speak to me.

I think we all generally agree that it is good to do what God wants us to do. We would be happy to submit to His will if only we knew what it was. If you got a certified letter from God telling you exactly what He wanted you to do with your life and guaranteed you happiness if you followed the plan, would you follow it? I think most of us would. I think we strive to please God in most situations. The problem is that we are unable to hear God speaking to us. We put obstacles in the way that prevent us from hearing His voice. Our pride, our sin, our fear, our inability to trust, our desire for pleasure, our conceit, our self-love, our lust, our gluttony, our greed, and many other negative traits prevent us from hearing God’s voice.

Eventually, we learn that most of us will not hear God speaking to us in the form of a flaming bush or a loud clap of thunder. Instead we hear God speak to us in the silence of our hearts. We also hear God speak to us through the words and actions of others. God is constantly speaking to us, however, we cannot hear him if we have our hands over our ears. We must lower our hands, humble ourselves, and admit that perhaps we do not know what is best for us.

Just because something gives us pleasure does not mean that it will bring us happiness. I think often times people equate pleasure with happiness. For example, some people find smoking a cigarette pleasurable, but that does not mean it will bring that person happiness. Sex with a prostitute may be described as pleasurable to some, but rarely, I think, would it bring happiness. I am not trying to say that nothing that is pleasurable will not lead to happiness. In fact, if you look at a synonym for happiness, it says, “providential,” meaning something that happens or results from divine providence (i.e. the will of God).

That line of thinking would lead one to believe, as do I, that happiness comes from doing God’s will. So we tell ourselves, “Well if He would just tell me what He wants, I would do it.” God does tell us what He wills for us. God wants us to love. God wants us to know that we are loved. God wants us to trust Him. God wants us to follow the example that He has given to us in our Lord Jesus Christ.

God also speaks to us everyday in scripture. This past week in the scripture we have heard the prophet Elijah and our Lord Jesus Christ challenge those around them to stop what they are doing and come and serve the Lord. Most of them made an excuse as to why they could not follow God right away. Some said they had to bury their father first. Notice they did not say that they would not follow. They simply made an excuse as to why they could not do it at that time, except for Matthew. When Jesus challenged Matthew to, “Follow me,” Matthew promptly got up and went without asking any questions. When Jesus sent the seventy-two out to prepare the way for Him, they went and listened to his instructions. They quickly realized the power they had and the joy that they had in listening to God’s word and doing His will.

As much as we try to be faithful and listen for God’s voice, at times we simply cannot hear Him. In my own life these past two weeks, I have been consumed with worry, fear, angst, and at times anger. I realized that this behavior was the equivalent to me having my hands over my ears. I think at some point God may have stopped talking and just waited for me to allow myself to listen. Once I opened myself up and put myself into His hands, I was able to hear Him once again.

I know that I am human and that there will be times when, despite my quest for a holier and more faithful life, I will stand in the way of God. However, my prayer is that God will give me the grace to recognize those moments where I am covering my ears and preventing His loving words from getting through. God does answer every prayer. He answers each prayer not with what you want or when you want it, but with what you need and on His schedule for when you need it.

Happiness stems from Providence. Open your ears and hear His voice.

Pax Tecum,

Tom