"Mary has chosen the better part..."

This past weekend I had the privilege of taking thirteen members of our youth group to the Zion Retreat. The retreat was held at St. Thomas More Parish in Austin, TX. It was an amazing weekend and I really enjoyed myself. The following is a brief excerpt from my prayer journal that I wanted to share with you:

“I am at St. Thomas More Parish in Austin for the Zion trip. I am here with thirteen of our wonderful kids from STAY (St. Thomas Aquinas Youth). The kids are in their small groups right now so I have some free time.

I wish that I was able to write down every thought or movement of the heart. I have had some great prayer experiences this weekend. Last night the kids were working on something in the parish hall. It was fairly quiet and they were playing some soft music. I was talking to Betsy (one of the other CORE team members) and we both got quiet. I felt a strong urge to take my rosary out and pray so I did. Since it was Friday I prayed the Sorrowful Mysteries. However, this was the first time that I prayed the rosary by myself without my prayer books. I don’t know that I did it perfect, but I definitely did it with a pure heart. It was a profound moment for me for two reasons.

The first reason is that I realized how much progress I have made, by the power of the Holy Spirit, over the course of the last year in terms of my prayer life. Last year I could not really say the rosary with a prayer book much less spontaneously. I was focused during the prayer and I was praying because I wanted to and not because I needed to or felt obligated to.

The second reason is that I realized that I was in the middle of a crowded room praying. I am typically a private person and tend to not let very many people see who I truly am. Even those who feel they are the closest to me don’t always get to see the real me. However, as I was praying, I felt as if no one else was in the room. It was a conversation between me and God. Also, I did not care if anyone saw me and I wasn’t doing it so that they would. My heart was just moved very strongly to stop and pray.

Another interesting point about this particular rosary was that I was not praying for myself. I have always prayed for others but typically in the past, when I have been moved to pray it was because I needed God’s help. I was praying intently for the spiritual growth of all of the teens in the room. I was also praying for a particular teen who could not come on the retreat. When I finished I put the rosary back in my pocket. I looked around the room and nothing had changed. It was as if time had stopped while I was praying. It was a great experience.

This morning I got to enjoy an ice cold shower in the shower trailer. It was a little bit painful but I was thankful for the opportunity to be clean. We had quite a bit of free time this morning while the kids were doing other things, including confession. I took the opportunity to go to a little grotto area that they have here at the church. There is a statue of there of the Blessed Virgin Mary and some benches there. I sat and fed the mosquitoes while I prayed the rosary. Again, I prayed for one of the teens who could not make the trip. When I was done, I realized that both the mosquitoes and I were very hungry. God fed both of us during that rosary.

I then walked the Stations of the Cross that they have in a wooded area here. It was a nice morning and a good walk. I am not sure that I can articulate what I was feeling at the time. All I know is that for the first time in a long time, I knew that I was not making that walk alone.

After the walk, I went back to the parish hall where they were doing some praise and worship. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a horrible singer. However, I did not care. I sang because I was singing to God and He thinks I sound great. I closed my eyes, opened my hands, and poured my heart out to the Lord. The funny thing is, it felt right. I did not feel awkward and I was not self-conscious. The Holy Spirit was working within me. I did not want it to end.

So, sitting here now several hours later, I have to ask myself, “Why is it so easy on a retreat to be in tune with the Holy Spirit and not at home?” The answer, at least for me, is the environment. While on a retreat, I am free from the many distractions that exist in our lives. I am free from most temptations to sin. I am surrounded by other people who have freely chosen to take off their masks and be who they really are. I am with people who have freely chosen to put God first, others second, and themselves third.

The challenge then is how to be the same in the secular world as I am on the retreat. It is no small challenge.”

So, maybe that entry was not so brief but it helps me with my next point. The Gospel reading this week was the story of Martha and Mary. Jesus comes to visit the house of Martha and Mary. Mary (not his mother) chooses to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to his teachings. Martha, on the other hand, is scurrying about the house cleaning, cooking, and trying to make sure everything is perfect for the guests. Martha becomes upset with her sister for not helping and asks Jesus to tell Mary to help her.

Sometimes in life we need to stop what we are doing and sit at the feet of the Lord. For me, the gospel was lived out while on a retreat in Austin. Once I slowed myself down and freed myself from the weight of anxiety and stress, I was able to hear God speak to me. I was able to spend time with Him and feel His presence. Had I not sat down like Mary, surely I would have missed what He had to say.

And so now I say Amen even louder as I hear Jesus’ words to Martha:

“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.” Luke 10:41

Pax Tecum,

Tom