I can remember a time when I was watching a small child draw a picture. Each time I thought the child was done with the picture I would make a comment about it or compliment him on it only to hear him say, “I’m not done yet!” Truth be told, I was getting impatient because I had no idea what the end result was supposed to look like and to be honest, the improvements that were being made certainly didn’t seem to add anything to the picture’s intelligibility or aesthetic quality. Once the project was finally declared to be done, I looked at it, smiled and said, “wow, that’s really good….what is it?” The young boy was disappointed that I could not tell what it was and then explained the picture to me. The picture was then posted on the inside of my locker at work.
When I moved from a locker to a desk, a different type of art decked my walls. I took up digital photography as a hobby and loved to take pictures of landscapes, cityscapes, etc. just about anything that did not have a person in it was fair game. The pictures that I thought were the best were printed out in 8” x 10” format and put into a simple black frame. The picture was then hung on the wall both for others and me to admire. To me, displaying the pictures was not just showing off my artistic eye (part of it was) but instead it was a statement of what I thought was beautiful. I loved to capture the many colors and details of nature because it is God’s creation and nothing can really top it. Each picture captures the moment precisely and freezes it so that it can be admired. It fits nicely into a frame and easy to consider it complete or perfect (having been done or made to fulfillment).
It is interesting then to consider what each of us considers beautiful. There are those of us like me who like to look at the finished product and capture it in a frame. Others are willing to patiently wait until the young artist is done with his drawing and then exudes great excitement and joy at the marvelous creation. On the one hand, we appreciate the final product and on the other, we appreciate not only the process by which the drawing is made but also our love for the artist. It is this love for the artist that allows a parent to proudly display some of the most hideous looking markings to ever hit paper on the walls of their office or refrigerator.
By now, you probably know where I am going with this inadequate metaphor. Just in case you don’t, let me share with you a few verses from Paul’s letter to the Ephesians:
And he gave some as apostles, others as prophets, others as evangelists, others as pastors and teachers, to equip the holy ones for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of faith and knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the extent of the full stature of Christ, so that we may no longer be infants, tossed by waves and swept along by every wind of teaching arising from human trickery, from their cunning in the interests of deceitful scheming. Rather, living the truth in love, we should grow in every way into him who is the head, Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, with the proper function of each part, brings about the body’s growth and builds itself up in love. (Eph 4:11-16)
I share this verse because it talks about the formation that each of us must go through in order to be further conformed to the image of Christ. We were together in building up this image. In order for the body to mature, each part of the body must also grown and mature. We do not grow without direction, but we grow “in him who is the head, Christ.”
The growing process is not easy (not unique to seminary). Many of us find an excuse not to do it. We want the growing process to be over as soon as possible because we want to display the framed image of the final (and thus perfected) product. We fail to see how each new addition, subtraction, modification adds to the completion of the final image. We become impatient. We want to see the final image and to know what it looks like. We want to know how close the artist is to being done. We resist any further growth because we want to be the fulfillment of that image that he is asking us to be and we want to be it now. Well, at least I do. Instead I think we need to patiently here the Lord when he tells us, “I’m not done yet. Wait until you see what I intend the image to look like. Just trust me. Be the clay in my hands as I mold you into who I want you to be.” And when the picture is done (whenever that may be) or even as it is a work in progress, we can rest assured that God looks on the image of who we are with the loving eyes of a proud Father as it declares it to be “good. It is very good.”
Forgive the rambling. It’s not meant to be that deep of a reflection. The message is really quite simple. Let us be patient with the Lord as he forms us and those around us so that we may be a strong unified body.
Be assured of my prayers.
Pax Tecum,
Tom
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Oppportunity Knocks...
As the Infirmarian (I just noticed that this word is one space away from being Infirm Arian, hah!) for the seminary, I often have people call or stop by my room when they are not feeling well. Normally the symptoms are not that significant and I can get them some antacids, cough drops, or other over the counter medication. I have some supplies for minor first aid and things of that sort.
However, sometimes my brother seminarians will have illnesses that require more attention. Since we live in community, we must be careful when one of us is sick not to spread the virus around the house. Just last week we had two guys down with the flu (medically confirmed cases) and one with another illness that kept him in his room. When this happens, as the Infirmarian, I am responsible for taking the guys their meals, arranging for priests to bring the Eucharist, contacting the seminarian’s teachers, and basically doing anything else I can do to keep them in the room.
Last week I realized some of the psychological effects of locking a guy up in his room for a week. We moved them into the suites that we normally allow our guests to stay in so that they would have a private bathroom, a television, and an overall more comfortable environment. Despite these comforts the guys got quite restless and somewhat agitated. I realized that each time that I came to their room I was not bringing anything that would make their illness go away. I did not have a magic wand that would clear up their symptoms. However, I realized that my presence alone was somewhat comforting. For a week, I was pretty much one of two faces that they would see (the other being a member of the faculty). Often times the only thing that I could bring to them was a meal (usually lukewarm and not what they were looking for), a message from a teacher about a test or assignment (definitely not what they were looking for), bad news in that they were going to be quarantined for yet another day, and a smile. I made a point of trying to smile and bring a sense of humor to the situation. Laughter is the best medicine and, for a second, it takes our minds off the current situation.
I must admit that as the week progressed, it was more and more difficult for me to bring that smile. My efforts at times felt underappreciated. At times I thought that people were taking advantage of me. I was irritated. I was busy. I was in the midst (and still am) of my midterms and had my own obligations on top of caring for others. I was not getting enough sleep. I was constantly bombarded with questions from other seminarians about the condition of those who were sick. My phone did not stop ringing and people were constantly making requests for my time. By Friday, I was glad that all of the people who were sick had gotten better and were either at home or back among the community. We had a free three day weekend so a lot of people went home. I took the time to get caught up on my studies as I had fallen behind from all of the extra activity during the week. The end result is that Sunday night I was exhausted and felt like I needed a break.
I went to bed Sunday night around 9:45pm which is about when I normally went to bed. I heard someone knock on my door at 10pm. I had just fallen asleep and was really tired. I made the decision not to open the door. Whatever the person wanted, it could wait. If it was a real emergency they would knock again or call me on the phone. I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty the next day knowing that I chose sleep over answering the door. Monday night I did something that I have only done one other time while in seminary. I put a sign on my door that said “Do Not Disturb.” I went to bed at 9pm and tried to get a good night’s sleep. When I woke up in the morning at 5:15am I went down the hall to take a shower. Upon returning to my room, I took the sign off of the door. A few minutes after taking the sign off the door, I heard a knock on my door. I remember thinking to myself, “Really? I haven’t even had a chance to get dressed yet.” I put on my robe and answered the door. It was an unexpected request this morning but not something that took any sort of effort. Instead of spending my normal twenty minutes checking the news on the internet, I helped this person and then went to the chapel.
It is days like these that God always manages to speak to me loud and clear in Scripture during Morning Prayer and Mass. In today’s gospel we heard Jesus say to his disciples, “Gird your loins and light your lamps and be like servants who wait their master’s return from a wedding, ready to open immediately when he comes. Blessed are those servants whom the master finds vigilant on his arrival. Amen, I say to you, he will gird himself, have them recline at tables and proceed to wait on them. And should he come in the second or third watch and find them prepared in this way, blessed are those servants.” (Lk 12:35-38).
I am not praising myself for the times that I answered the door to whoever was knocking. I am not praising myself for the many good things that I did for my brothers last week while they were sick. I am not praising myself at all. Instead, I find myself this morning wondering what opportunities I have missed out on to love Jesus by not getting out of bed (both literally and metaphorically) to answer the knock at the door. How many opportunities to love Him did I miss by putting a “Do Not Disturb” sign on my door? How many times have I missed those he sent to me because they did not come on my time table or when I decided it was convenient?
I imagine that as a priest (God-willing) there will be many times where people ask me for my help even when I think that I do not have what they need to be healed. Sometimes people just need someone to care for them. Sometimes people just need someone to listen or to smile at them. Sometimes people just want to know that they are not alone. They do not always knock at your door at the most convenient times, but will you answer the door? I will leave you with one last thing to consider.
“”Let us not grow tired of doing good, for in due time we shall reap our harvest, if we do not give up.” Gal 6:9
Pax Tecum,
Tom
However, sometimes my brother seminarians will have illnesses that require more attention. Since we live in community, we must be careful when one of us is sick not to spread the virus around the house. Just last week we had two guys down with the flu (medically confirmed cases) and one with another illness that kept him in his room. When this happens, as the Infirmarian, I am responsible for taking the guys their meals, arranging for priests to bring the Eucharist, contacting the seminarian’s teachers, and basically doing anything else I can do to keep them in the room.
Last week I realized some of the psychological effects of locking a guy up in his room for a week. We moved them into the suites that we normally allow our guests to stay in so that they would have a private bathroom, a television, and an overall more comfortable environment. Despite these comforts the guys got quite restless and somewhat agitated. I realized that each time that I came to their room I was not bringing anything that would make their illness go away. I did not have a magic wand that would clear up their symptoms. However, I realized that my presence alone was somewhat comforting. For a week, I was pretty much one of two faces that they would see (the other being a member of the faculty). Often times the only thing that I could bring to them was a meal (usually lukewarm and not what they were looking for), a message from a teacher about a test or assignment (definitely not what they were looking for), bad news in that they were going to be quarantined for yet another day, and a smile. I made a point of trying to smile and bring a sense of humor to the situation. Laughter is the best medicine and, for a second, it takes our minds off the current situation.
I must admit that as the week progressed, it was more and more difficult for me to bring that smile. My efforts at times felt underappreciated. At times I thought that people were taking advantage of me. I was irritated. I was busy. I was in the midst (and still am) of my midterms and had my own obligations on top of caring for others. I was not getting enough sleep. I was constantly bombarded with questions from other seminarians about the condition of those who were sick. My phone did not stop ringing and people were constantly making requests for my time. By Friday, I was glad that all of the people who were sick had gotten better and were either at home or back among the community. We had a free three day weekend so a lot of people went home. I took the time to get caught up on my studies as I had fallen behind from all of the extra activity during the week. The end result is that Sunday night I was exhausted and felt like I needed a break.
I went to bed Sunday night around 9:45pm which is about when I normally went to bed. I heard someone knock on my door at 10pm. I had just fallen asleep and was really tired. I made the decision not to open the door. Whatever the person wanted, it could wait. If it was a real emergency they would knock again or call me on the phone. I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty the next day knowing that I chose sleep over answering the door. Monday night I did something that I have only done one other time while in seminary. I put a sign on my door that said “Do Not Disturb.” I went to bed at 9pm and tried to get a good night’s sleep. When I woke up in the morning at 5:15am I went down the hall to take a shower. Upon returning to my room, I took the sign off of the door. A few minutes after taking the sign off the door, I heard a knock on my door. I remember thinking to myself, “Really? I haven’t even had a chance to get dressed yet.” I put on my robe and answered the door. It was an unexpected request this morning but not something that took any sort of effort. Instead of spending my normal twenty minutes checking the news on the internet, I helped this person and then went to the chapel.
It is days like these that God always manages to speak to me loud and clear in Scripture during Morning Prayer and Mass. In today’s gospel we heard Jesus say to his disciples, “Gird your loins and light your lamps and be like servants who wait their master’s return from a wedding, ready to open immediately when he comes. Blessed are those servants whom the master finds vigilant on his arrival. Amen, I say to you, he will gird himself, have them recline at tables and proceed to wait on them. And should he come in the second or third watch and find them prepared in this way, blessed are those servants.” (Lk 12:35-38).
I am not praising myself for the times that I answered the door to whoever was knocking. I am not praising myself for the many good things that I did for my brothers last week while they were sick. I am not praising myself at all. Instead, I find myself this morning wondering what opportunities I have missed out on to love Jesus by not getting out of bed (both literally and metaphorically) to answer the knock at the door. How many opportunities to love Him did I miss by putting a “Do Not Disturb” sign on my door? How many times have I missed those he sent to me because they did not come on my time table or when I decided it was convenient?
I imagine that as a priest (God-willing) there will be many times where people ask me for my help even when I think that I do not have what they need to be healed. Sometimes people just need someone to care for them. Sometimes people just need someone to listen or to smile at them. Sometimes people just want to know that they are not alone. They do not always knock at your door at the most convenient times, but will you answer the door? I will leave you with one last thing to consider.
“”Let us not grow tired of doing good, for in due time we shall reap our harvest, if we do not give up.” Gal 6:9
Pax Tecum,
Tom
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Why am I doing this?
There have been plenty of times in my brief time in seminary that I have asked myself this question. Sometimes it is difficult to see how my activity is directed towards any sort of end or goal (this is of course not a problem if you deny we are a teleological people). The most recent example of this came this past weekend as I spent three hours in the rectory of my home parish studying Ancient Greek Philosophy in preparation for writing a five page paper (which is extremely short in length). Admittedly I am not the most efficient studier and tend to do much more work than necessary. This often leads me to get frustrated and ask myself again, “why am I doing this [studying, seminary, etc].”
I ask myself this question most often when I am tired, stressed, worried, frustrated, struggling, or suffering in some way. For some reason, my struggling, suffering, etc., does not seem to be necessary in achieving my goal. As a means to avoid putting myself in a situation where the question may loom over me like a dark cloud, I try to get to bed earlier, take more time to relax, go for a walk, and perhaps the most effective of all, I spend time in front of the tabernacle talking to God about it all.
God’s answers are rarely given on my time table or in the manner in which I look for them, but when they do come, they are quite clear. Recently God has reminded me several times why I am in seminary and doing all the things that goes along with it. Last week I had the opportunity to work with a good friend who is a Director of Youth Ministry here in Irving. We put on a skit for the teens that we had previously done in College Station. The skit was well received and I was able to talk with the teens about the gift of Faith and our act of Faith as a response to that gift. The talk went well and I could tell that the words were not my own but were also born of the many past experiences when I was probably asking myself, “why am I doing this?” It was a great night and very consoling to feel that God may have used me to bring about some good in someone else’s life.
God also answers my questions every time I am able to come home and spend time in my parish community. I love being in any parish, but especially my parish in College Station. I love that people are willing to share their joys, struggles, questions, doubts, convictions, hopes, and dreams with me. I love that people are willing to share their lives with me in that way. I love being able to walk around and visit with the many different families and ask how things are going. I love being able to serve Mass with those same people and to see the expression of God’s love both on the altar and in the pews. I love being able to spend time with my best friend and watch him play with his little girl. I love the many ways in which God gives us the gift of his love.
Now please don’t think that I have turned into some overly optimistic warm and fuzzy do-gooder (said with a smile). We all know that while the birds may be singing outside my room this morning, if they stay too long I will show them where the St. Francis bird bath is far away from my room and out of earshot. I simply want to share with you all that for every time that I have asked myself the question that I have chosen for the title of this post, God uses all of you and the people around me to give an answer. For that, whether your response is intended or not, I say thank you.
Pax Tecum,
Tom
P.S. Just as a side note, you know you are old when the challenge becomes not how late can you stay up but how early can you go to bed. Last night, I won!
I ask myself this question most often when I am tired, stressed, worried, frustrated, struggling, or suffering in some way. For some reason, my struggling, suffering, etc., does not seem to be necessary in achieving my goal. As a means to avoid putting myself in a situation where the question may loom over me like a dark cloud, I try to get to bed earlier, take more time to relax, go for a walk, and perhaps the most effective of all, I spend time in front of the tabernacle talking to God about it all.
God’s answers are rarely given on my time table or in the manner in which I look for them, but when they do come, they are quite clear. Recently God has reminded me several times why I am in seminary and doing all the things that goes along with it. Last week I had the opportunity to work with a good friend who is a Director of Youth Ministry here in Irving. We put on a skit for the teens that we had previously done in College Station. The skit was well received and I was able to talk with the teens about the gift of Faith and our act of Faith as a response to that gift. The talk went well and I could tell that the words were not my own but were also born of the many past experiences when I was probably asking myself, “why am I doing this?” It was a great night and very consoling to feel that God may have used me to bring about some good in someone else’s life.
God also answers my questions every time I am able to come home and spend time in my parish community. I love being in any parish, but especially my parish in College Station. I love that people are willing to share their joys, struggles, questions, doubts, convictions, hopes, and dreams with me. I love that people are willing to share their lives with me in that way. I love being able to walk around and visit with the many different families and ask how things are going. I love being able to serve Mass with those same people and to see the expression of God’s love both on the altar and in the pews. I love being able to spend time with my best friend and watch him play with his little girl. I love the many ways in which God gives us the gift of his love.
Now please don’t think that I have turned into some overly optimistic warm and fuzzy do-gooder (said with a smile). We all know that while the birds may be singing outside my room this morning, if they stay too long I will show them where the St. Francis bird bath is far away from my room and out of earshot. I simply want to share with you all that for every time that I have asked myself the question that I have chosen for the title of this post, God uses all of you and the people around me to give an answer. For that, whether your response is intended or not, I say thank you.
Pax Tecum,
Tom
P.S. Just as a side note, you know you are old when the challenge becomes not how late can you stay up but how early can you go to bed. Last night, I won!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Litany of Pleasant Surprises
As I write this blog entry, I am sitting in my room at Holy Trinity Seminary in Irving, TX preparing to start my second year of seminary. I have been here at the seminary for about five days getting settled, attending meetings, and completing incessant amounts of paperwork. Classes start in the morning so tonight will undoubtedly be an early night.
However, before I turn in I thought that I might post a few thoughts that I have had over the past few weeks. After my time in College Station in early August, I traveled to Temple, TX to visit Fr. Ramiro Tarazona at his parish. Fr. Ramiro and I became friends while he was working at my home parish in College Station for two years. He is only ten days older than me and we like to tease each other like brothers even though I call him, “Father.”
After visiting with Fr. Ramiro, I made the short trip across town to Cedarbrake Retreat Center for the annual Seminarian Convocation. This year certainly had a different feel to it than last year. As we were welcoming our new Vocations Director, we were saying goodbye to our beloved Bishop Aymond. We were fortunate to have Archbishop Aymond with us for the entire three days and got to celebrate his last Mass as Bishop of Austin with him. It was difficult for me personally to say goodbye to him as he has had a profound impact on my life, not only as a Bishop, but as a spiritual father and I dare say, a friend.
Once the convocation was over I headed to Hutto where I stayed the night with family before leaving for Corpus Christi the next day. I spent several days with a priest-friend in Banquete, TX, where I was able to read, sleep, and pray in peace. It was a spiritually rewarding time and may become an annual tradition. I then returned back to College Station where I spent nine days with friends and family before heading back to seminary.
I must admit that my head was spinning the first few days that I was back at seminary. It seemed as though I had not left and that summer flew by. I immediately encountered some of the challenges that come with community life, but I also discovered a litany of pleasant surprises. I will list some of them for you here:
- 46 Seminarians from 9 dioceses (welcome Beaumont and Corpus Christi)
- Completely remodeled Refectory (dining hall)
- Remodeled entryway near the Chapel
- Remodeled Student Lounge
- New Faculty members
- New Kitchen Staff (the food is superb right now!)
- Two of the freshmen are talented Jazz musicians. Three of us were sitting in the upstairs TV lounge when we heard them playing and went in search of the source. We were pleasantly surprised to find them jamming out in the music room.
- One of the Pre-Theologians is a talented organist. Again, I was drawn by the music I heard coming from the Chapel and walked in to find Kris from the Diocese of Victoria playing the organ. Many people will remember him from playing the organ at St. Mary’s and St. Thomas Aquinas. He sits next to me in chapel and it is nice to have a familiar face around. Of course, it would be nicer to see some more faces from St. Thomas Aquinas (hint…hint).
- As of right now, I have Tuesdays and Thursdays off from classes although I will have the occasional appointment on those days. It should give me plenty of time to exercise, pray, study, etc.
There are other pleasant changes but I will save them for another time. I am about to go do one of my new favorite daily rituals and that is to take a walk after dinner. I try to invite a different seminarian each time and it gives me a chance to talk with them. I will then return to my room and try to be in bed by 9:30PM or 10:00PM. The alarm goes off at 5:15AM for a full day of class. This year I am taking: Systematic Theology I, Ancient Philosophy, Early Modern Philosophy, and Philosophy of God. I am also taking a Philosophy of Catholic Ethics class correspondence that will require me to travel to Austin 7 or 8 times throughout the year.
I hope that all of you are in good health and good spirits. Feel free to leave comments, questions you would like answered, prayer requests, etc. All of you remain in my prayers daily.
Pax Tecum,
Tom
However, before I turn in I thought that I might post a few thoughts that I have had over the past few weeks. After my time in College Station in early August, I traveled to Temple, TX to visit Fr. Ramiro Tarazona at his parish. Fr. Ramiro and I became friends while he was working at my home parish in College Station for two years. He is only ten days older than me and we like to tease each other like brothers even though I call him, “Father.”
After visiting with Fr. Ramiro, I made the short trip across town to Cedarbrake Retreat Center for the annual Seminarian Convocation. This year certainly had a different feel to it than last year. As we were welcoming our new Vocations Director, we were saying goodbye to our beloved Bishop Aymond. We were fortunate to have Archbishop Aymond with us for the entire three days and got to celebrate his last Mass as Bishop of Austin with him. It was difficult for me personally to say goodbye to him as he has had a profound impact on my life, not only as a Bishop, but as a spiritual father and I dare say, a friend.
Once the convocation was over I headed to Hutto where I stayed the night with family before leaving for Corpus Christi the next day. I spent several days with a priest-friend in Banquete, TX, where I was able to read, sleep, and pray in peace. It was a spiritually rewarding time and may become an annual tradition. I then returned back to College Station where I spent nine days with friends and family before heading back to seminary.
I must admit that my head was spinning the first few days that I was back at seminary. It seemed as though I had not left and that summer flew by. I immediately encountered some of the challenges that come with community life, but I also discovered a litany of pleasant surprises. I will list some of them for you here:
- 46 Seminarians from 9 dioceses (welcome Beaumont and Corpus Christi)
- Completely remodeled Refectory (dining hall)
- Remodeled entryway near the Chapel
- Remodeled Student Lounge
- New Faculty members
- New Kitchen Staff (the food is superb right now!)
- Two of the freshmen are talented Jazz musicians. Three of us were sitting in the upstairs TV lounge when we heard them playing and went in search of the source. We were pleasantly surprised to find them jamming out in the music room.
- One of the Pre-Theologians is a talented organist. Again, I was drawn by the music I heard coming from the Chapel and walked in to find Kris from the Diocese of Victoria playing the organ. Many people will remember him from playing the organ at St. Mary’s and St. Thomas Aquinas. He sits next to me in chapel and it is nice to have a familiar face around. Of course, it would be nicer to see some more faces from St. Thomas Aquinas (hint…hint).
- As of right now, I have Tuesdays and Thursdays off from classes although I will have the occasional appointment on those days. It should give me plenty of time to exercise, pray, study, etc.
There are other pleasant changes but I will save them for another time. I am about to go do one of my new favorite daily rituals and that is to take a walk after dinner. I try to invite a different seminarian each time and it gives me a chance to talk with them. I will then return to my room and try to be in bed by 9:30PM or 10:00PM. The alarm goes off at 5:15AM for a full day of class. This year I am taking: Systematic Theology I, Ancient Philosophy, Early Modern Philosophy, and Philosophy of God. I am also taking a Philosophy of Catholic Ethics class correspondence that will require me to travel to Austin 7 or 8 times throughout the year.
I hope that all of you are in good health and good spirits. Feel free to leave comments, questions you would like answered, prayer requests, etc. All of you remain in my prayers daily.
Pax Tecum,
Tom
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