Learning to Skate on Ice...

I have received several calls, emails, inquiries, etc. this past week from various friends and family asking me how my first week here at St. Mary’s went. To be honest, I find myself having difficulty finding the words to express exactly what I am feeling throughout the first week. I can tell you that my schedule seems to be a lot busier than it was at Holy Trinity. That is due in part to the fact that I am taking more classes (seventeen hours instead of nine or twelve). I have also been more faithful to keeping a daily holy hour and getting regular exercise. While this tends to cut down on the amount of free time that I have, I find that they are essential to keeping a balance throughout the week. As usual, I will try to use an analogy to describe the situation.

Growing up in the South, I did not play a lot of hockey. It’s just not a sport that is too popular in our part of the country. The only real exposure I have had to hockey has been learning how to play the sport during PE classes in elementary school. We learned to play the game in a gym with a puck or a tennis ball. We learned the rules of the game and eventually got pretty good at it. We thought we knew how to play hockey. At least, we were comfortable with how we learned to play the game.

Then one day someone comes along and invites us to play ice hockey. We think we know how to play hockey so we say ‘yes’ without giving it much thought. After all, we have been playing hockey for some time and we are pretty sure that we know the rules. How big of an adjustment could it actually be to play on ice? For those of you aren’t laughing in anticipation of what is coming next, hurry up and catch up with the rest of us.

It should not be too hard to picture a group of guys who have never ice skated before stepping on the ice for the first time. This is why Freshmen in high school, rookie police officers, and first year Theologians are such an inexhaustible source of humor for those around them. Forget playing hockey, we are just trying to stay upright. There is no concept of working together as a team in order to play the game. Instead, we are all just trying to learn how to stay on our feet and are beginning to think about skating. There is hope though in the sense that we know over time we will become more comfortable on skates and will then be able to play the game in the same way as we did previously. Eventually we will be like the ‘Mighty Ducks’ in the 1992 film with Emilio Estevez. We will learn to fly together in the ‘Flying V’ and will be able to take on whatever competition comes our way. If it helps those of you who are a little bit…ehemm…wiser get the analogy I will point you to the movie Miracle on Ice which tells the story of the 1980 U.S. Olympic Hockey team.

I have figured out that the best way to avoid injury during this time of learning how to skate is to slow down and stand still from time to time. The time I spend in silent adoration or prayer with the person of Jesus Christ is essential to attaining that sense of peace. Ice skating is always easier when you have the hand of a more experienced skater to hold onto. It is during that time of prayer that God gives me His assurances that He is with me and will teach me the Way to skate. He will show me that the discomfort, the lack of surety, the stress, the anxiety, the frustration that I sometimes feel are nothing more than growing pains. Better yet, He will remind me that what I am feeling are the birth pangs of a new creation. Like Jerusalem and the life of the first century Jews after the time of Christ, I am experiencing the death of an old way of life as I rise with Christ as a new creation.

I don’t think that I am too far off in saying that there are others who feel this same way. Perhaps you have recently started a new job. Perhaps you are doing the same job but from a different perspective. Perhaps you are an experienced parent who is now learning how to raise a teenager or young adult. Perhaps you are someone who is working with a new co-worker, staff, or boss. Perhaps you are adjusting to life without one of your loved ones. Perhaps you are looking at some other major transition in your life. Whatever it is in your life that has you moving from a gym floor to ice, know that God is with you and that He will take you by the hand and teach you the Way to skate. However, it means that we must slow down, humble ourselves, take His hand, and let Him lead us.

Please continue to pray for me and my brother seminarians as we discern God’s will for our lives. Please know that I keep all of you in my prayers as well.

Pax tecum,
Tom

Settling into Seminary...again.

Sorry folks for the delay in posting. My goal for this semester is to post at least once a week (ideally on Saturdays). The goal of the blog when it was created was simply to share a few of my thoughts as I journey closer to the Lord. It has expanded somewhat over the years to also be a means of allowing others to walk with me as I discern God’s will for my life in seminary. I welcome the newcomers who are now walking with us. I appreciate the comments that have been left. I do read them and I make sure to follow up on prayer intentions that are left as well.

It has been eight days since I have moved into my room at St. Mary’s Seminary in Houston, TX. The nineteen new men (including myself) arrived last Saturday. I admit that some of us paused for a second when we saw the size of our rooms. The Lord is definitely inviting me to live a life of greater simplicity. As I settled into my room I have found that it is actually large enough for what I need and is slowly starting to feel like home.

We have spent the week getting to know one another, praying together, registering for classes, buying our books, and attending various meetings. Orientation at seminary is much like the first week on a college campus (minus the debauchery of course!). We had our first public Mass today and it was great to have a few visitors. I want you all to know that you are welcome to join us for Sunday Mass at 9:30 AM almost every week that we are here. If you leave me a comment or shoot me an email a week or two before you plan on coming I will be happy to arrange to meet you and give you a tour of the seminary after Mass. Perhaps you could invite along someone who you think God may be calling to the priesthood. We have plenty of rooms available! (Shameless plug)

Just to give you an idea of the current state of vocations in central Texas, we have approximately eighty-two total seminarians here at St. Mary’s. I believe eleven different dioceses and two or three religious orders are represented. The Diocese of Austin, for which I am studying, has forty-six seminarians total. Twenty-nine of those seminarians are studying here at St. Mary’s. The Theology I class, to which I belong, here at St. Mary’s has twenty-two students, twelve of which are from Austin. So, God willing, in five years, we may have an ordination class of twelve men. Keep praying for us! It is certainly the prayers of those who support us that allow us to hear the call in the first place and to respond with a generous heart.

I must admit that I am looking forward to classes beginning tomorrow. I know that I might be singing a different tune in a few weeks, but for now, I am ready to get back at it. I have finished all of my philosophy studies and will now be studying theology for the next 4-5 years. Currently I am registered for 19 credit hours this semester. The classes I am taking are: Mark and Method, Introduction to Greek I, Introduction to Theological Studies, Pentateuch, Public Rhetoric, Introduction to Liturgy, and Church History I. I will certainly need your prayers this semester.

On a more personal note I want to share a small success story with you. Please admit me a moment to be a little proud. I share it as a means of encouragement for others and also to say thank you to those who have supported me in my efforts. Since January I have been focusing on my physical health and working on losing weight. I have lost a total of thirty-four pounds. I had a great time taking my suit in to have it altered (smaller this time!). My goal is to lose about a pound a week until I lose another 50 pounds or so. It seems like a lot right now but I am taking it slow. It is amazing how much impact prayer can have on your ability to adhere to changes in diet and exercise. I recently received a gym membership as a gift and am looking forward to beginning my exercise routine this week. So, as you can see, life in the seminary and discerning priesthood really is an effort to become holy as well as “whol-e.” It involves a four pronged approach to wellness: body, mind, and spirit. Will you join me in this effort in your own lives?

Again, thank you for all of your prayers and support. I will try to post some pictures of the seminary campus soon. It is absolutely beautiful despite the miserable Houston weather. Until then, let us keep one another in prayer.

Pax Tecum,
Tom

"Developing a Palate for Prayer"

I had the privilege of spending the last ten weeks at the Institute for Priestly Formation on the campus of Creighton University in Omaha, NE. Over one hundred seventy-five seminarians from seventy different dioceses in the United States gathered together to focus on our spiritual formation as men discerning a priestly vocation. In addition to speaking to us about topics such as priestly identity, celibacy, human sexuality, discernment, etc., much of the program worked with developing our life of prayer.

I cannot adequately express to you how grace-filled the summer was for me and how much of a gift it was to me personally. Despite the many graces that were received, they did not all come easily. During the first week of the program, the faculty began to talk to us about our spiritual senses and “tasting” God in our prayer. I had no idea what they meant by “tasting” God and thought that use of language was completely ridiculous. Despite my silent objections to the use of the word I heard it over and over throughout the first few weeks. At first I was not entirely sure why I had such a strong objection to the word ‘taste.’ I think part of the objection was that I did not understand what they meant and felt a little too embarrassed to ask. It was easier for me to say something like, “that language is not for me,” or “that is not my style of prayer.” I was upset with myself because I wanted to remain open to the material being presented and did not want to close myself off to the graces that God was trying to give me through the presentations simply because I objected to the manner in which a word was being used. I was reminded of a saying that my high school economics teacher enjoyed sharing with us, “we mock what we don’t understand.” The truth was I didn’t understand but I wanted to. I desperately wanted my prayer life to improve. I desperately wanted to know what they meant by ‘tasting’ God. I wanted the intimate prayer life they seemed to have but was a little embarrassed to admit my ignorance. Who of us really wants to admit that we don’t know how to pray as we should? (See Rom 8:26). I took the matter to prayer and over several weeks an image developed in my heart that opened my eyes just a little bit to what is meant by ‘tasting’ God in prayer. I want to share that image with you now.

I made the trip to Omaha with a brother seminarian from the Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston. The first night of the trip we stopped and stayed at a hotel in Wichita, KS. My brother seminarian and I decided to share a bottle of wine with dinner. When the wine arrived I made good use of my Cruise Ship Wine Tasting Class skills to act as though I knew what I was doing in tasting the wine. I went through all the external acts. I examined the cork. I looked at the color of the wine. I swirled the wine around in the glass. I inhaled the bouquet and considered the smell for a moment before taking my first sip. I paused in silence for a few moments as I considered the taste of the wine before I indicated my approval. I am telling on myself but I am a bit of a poser when it comes to wine connoisseurship. All the motions and actions I performed boil down to whether I thought the taste of the wine was pleasurable or not.

After a few sips of wine my friend looked at the label on the bottle and said, “Hmmm. I had no idea that there was mint in this wine.” I took another taste of the wine and immediately I could detect the taste of mint. I have tasted mint before and have been taught to know what mint tastes like. Just by hearing my friend say the word ‘mint’ I could imagine the taste in my mind. Therefore when I went to take another drink of the wine I knew what to look for. Amongst the many ingredients that went into the wine, I could sift through them and identify the mint.

As I reflected on this experience, I realized that the same thing applies to ‘tasting’ God in prayer. You see, wine connoisseurship is not a skill that you can learn by simply reading a book. Your palate for wine can only be developed by someone placing the various ingredients in front of you, telling you what they are, and having you taste them repeatedly. Eventually you acquire the ability to detect these tastes amidst an assortment of ingredients. It takes an experienced connoisseur to pass the skill on to you. Over the course of my life I have had several priests, spiritual directors, and other people of prayer help me learn to sort through the various ‘tastes’ of prayer in order to discern what is of God and what is not. As I continue to grow in my relationship with God, I realize that I am slowly developing a refined palate for my prayer.

However, while it may be fun to blindfold a wine taster and ask him/her to tell you what ingredients are in the wine, there is simply no substitute for reading the list of ingredients printed on the label. The label of prayer is of course Sacred Scripture. It is through Scripture that God reveals Himself to us and makes us aware of His presence in our lives. He tells us what to look for. He tells us where to find Him. He tells us of His desire to love us and to be in communion with us. Through Mass, study of Sacred Scripture, prayer groups, spiritual direction, etc., we begin to define our palate of prayer so that our time with the Lord is a more pleasurable, consoling, and edifying experience.

There is one last part of the meditation that I want to share with you. I like a good dry red wine. I like it bold and full of spice. However, the same cannot be said of my prayer. I know that I am not alone in my experiences of frustration when I think that my prayer is ‘dry’ or I will sometimes say, “Nothing is happening.” I hope that most of us have experienced a consoling moment of prayer where we could not doubt the presence of God. We often wonder why prayer cannot be like that every time we pray. The warm and fuzzy ‘taste’ of prayer is often what we are seeking. Then I realized that there is no less fruit in a dry merlot than there is in a delicate Riesling, a Northern Italian red, or a fine glass of port. In the same way there is much fruit to be ‘tasted’ in those dry moments of prayer. God is no less present or at work in dry moments of prayer as He is in those times of great consolation. However, without a refined palate to sort out the different tastes, we may miss Him.

The key is to keep tasting the wine. Don’t forget the health benefits of a glass a day. Remain steadfast in prayer. Don’t forget to look at the label often. Find someone that you can talk to about your prayer life who can work with you in refining your palate for prayer. Take a retreat once a year and go to confession often as a means of cleansing your palate. If you haven’t already ‘tasted’ God in your prayer, be patient, because once you do, you will never taste something as glorious, wonderful, or beautiful as the fruit He wants to give you. And keep in mind; I am always willing to sit down with you over a glass of wine!

Pax Tecum,
Tom