"Mary has chosen the better part..."

This past weekend I had the privilege of taking thirteen members of our youth group to the Zion Retreat. The retreat was held at St. Thomas More Parish in Austin, TX. It was an amazing weekend and I really enjoyed myself. The following is a brief excerpt from my prayer journal that I wanted to share with you:

“I am at St. Thomas More Parish in Austin for the Zion trip. I am here with thirteen of our wonderful kids from STAY (St. Thomas Aquinas Youth). The kids are in their small groups right now so I have some free time.

I wish that I was able to write down every thought or movement of the heart. I have had some great prayer experiences this weekend. Last night the kids were working on something in the parish hall. It was fairly quiet and they were playing some soft music. I was talking to Betsy (one of the other CORE team members) and we both got quiet. I felt a strong urge to take my rosary out and pray so I did. Since it was Friday I prayed the Sorrowful Mysteries. However, this was the first time that I prayed the rosary by myself without my prayer books. I don’t know that I did it perfect, but I definitely did it with a pure heart. It was a profound moment for me for two reasons.

The first reason is that I realized how much progress I have made, by the power of the Holy Spirit, over the course of the last year in terms of my prayer life. Last year I could not really say the rosary with a prayer book much less spontaneously. I was focused during the prayer and I was praying because I wanted to and not because I needed to or felt obligated to.

The second reason is that I realized that I was in the middle of a crowded room praying. I am typically a private person and tend to not let very many people see who I truly am. Even those who feel they are the closest to me don’t always get to see the real me. However, as I was praying, I felt as if no one else was in the room. It was a conversation between me and God. Also, I did not care if anyone saw me and I wasn’t doing it so that they would. My heart was just moved very strongly to stop and pray.

Another interesting point about this particular rosary was that I was not praying for myself. I have always prayed for others but typically in the past, when I have been moved to pray it was because I needed God’s help. I was praying intently for the spiritual growth of all of the teens in the room. I was also praying for a particular teen who could not come on the retreat. When I finished I put the rosary back in my pocket. I looked around the room and nothing had changed. It was as if time had stopped while I was praying. It was a great experience.

This morning I got to enjoy an ice cold shower in the shower trailer. It was a little bit painful but I was thankful for the opportunity to be clean. We had quite a bit of free time this morning while the kids were doing other things, including confession. I took the opportunity to go to a little grotto area that they have here at the church. There is a statue of there of the Blessed Virgin Mary and some benches there. I sat and fed the mosquitoes while I prayed the rosary. Again, I prayed for one of the teens who could not make the trip. When I was done, I realized that both the mosquitoes and I were very hungry. God fed both of us during that rosary.

I then walked the Stations of the Cross that they have in a wooded area here. It was a nice morning and a good walk. I am not sure that I can articulate what I was feeling at the time. All I know is that for the first time in a long time, I knew that I was not making that walk alone.

After the walk, I went back to the parish hall where they were doing some praise and worship. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a horrible singer. However, I did not care. I sang because I was singing to God and He thinks I sound great. I closed my eyes, opened my hands, and poured my heart out to the Lord. The funny thing is, it felt right. I did not feel awkward and I was not self-conscious. The Holy Spirit was working within me. I did not want it to end.

So, sitting here now several hours later, I have to ask myself, “Why is it so easy on a retreat to be in tune with the Holy Spirit and not at home?” The answer, at least for me, is the environment. While on a retreat, I am free from the many distractions that exist in our lives. I am free from most temptations to sin. I am surrounded by other people who have freely chosen to take off their masks and be who they really are. I am with people who have freely chosen to put God first, others second, and themselves third.

The challenge then is how to be the same in the secular world as I am on the retreat. It is no small challenge.”

So, maybe that entry was not so brief but it helps me with my next point. The Gospel reading this week was the story of Martha and Mary. Jesus comes to visit the house of Martha and Mary. Mary (not his mother) chooses to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen to his teachings. Martha, on the other hand, is scurrying about the house cleaning, cooking, and trying to make sure everything is perfect for the guests. Martha becomes upset with her sister for not helping and asks Jesus to tell Mary to help her.

Sometimes in life we need to stop what we are doing and sit at the feet of the Lord. For me, the gospel was lived out while on a retreat in Austin. Once I slowed myself down and freed myself from the weight of anxiety and stress, I was able to hear God speak to me. I was able to spend time with Him and feel His presence. Had I not sat down like Mary, surely I would have missed what He had to say.

And so now I say Amen even louder as I hear Jesus’ words to Martha:

“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.” Luke 10:41

Pax Tecum,

Tom

La...la...la...la

One of the most frustrating things for me is to have a conversation with someone who simply will not listen to what you are trying to say. We have all had those conversations where both you and the person that you are talking to are absolutely convinced that they have the entire truth about the topic of conversation. There is no convincing them. There is no relenting in your own position. It becomes a dual monologue duel instead of a dialogue. Often times we find ourselves simply waiting for the other person to stop talking so that we can convince them of our point of view.

As children, we had a much simpler way of dealing with the problem. If our parents or our friends told us something that we did not want to hear, we quickly enacted the most rational, most mature, most effective plan that we could so as not to be convinced that we were wrong. We would cover our ears and shout in a loud voice, “La…la…la…la…I can’t hear you!” We would continue to do this until the other person finally gave up and stopped talking.

I got to wondering. How often do you think that God sees us as those stubborn little children with their hands over their ears making an active effort to ignore Him? The fact is God speaks to us in a very real way. There were many times growing up where I became distraught because I could not hear God speaking to me. There would be tragic situations in my life or on the news and I would ask myself, “Where is God in this?” Other times I would pray and pray only to have my prayer seemingly unanswered. I thought that I was unable to hear God speak to me.

I think we all generally agree that it is good to do what God wants us to do. We would be happy to submit to His will if only we knew what it was. If you got a certified letter from God telling you exactly what He wanted you to do with your life and guaranteed you happiness if you followed the plan, would you follow it? I think most of us would. I think we strive to please God in most situations. The problem is that we are unable to hear God speaking to us. We put obstacles in the way that prevent us from hearing His voice. Our pride, our sin, our fear, our inability to trust, our desire for pleasure, our conceit, our self-love, our lust, our gluttony, our greed, and many other negative traits prevent us from hearing God’s voice.

Eventually, we learn that most of us will not hear God speaking to us in the form of a flaming bush or a loud clap of thunder. Instead we hear God speak to us in the silence of our hearts. We also hear God speak to us through the words and actions of others. God is constantly speaking to us, however, we cannot hear him if we have our hands over our ears. We must lower our hands, humble ourselves, and admit that perhaps we do not know what is best for us.

Just because something gives us pleasure does not mean that it will bring us happiness. I think often times people equate pleasure with happiness. For example, some people find smoking a cigarette pleasurable, but that does not mean it will bring that person happiness. Sex with a prostitute may be described as pleasurable to some, but rarely, I think, would it bring happiness. I am not trying to say that nothing that is pleasurable will not lead to happiness. In fact, if you look at a synonym for happiness, it says, “providential,” meaning something that happens or results from divine providence (i.e. the will of God).

That line of thinking would lead one to believe, as do I, that happiness comes from doing God’s will. So we tell ourselves, “Well if He would just tell me what He wants, I would do it.” God does tell us what He wills for us. God wants us to love. God wants us to know that we are loved. God wants us to trust Him. God wants us to follow the example that He has given to us in our Lord Jesus Christ.

God also speaks to us everyday in scripture. This past week in the scripture we have heard the prophet Elijah and our Lord Jesus Christ challenge those around them to stop what they are doing and come and serve the Lord. Most of them made an excuse as to why they could not follow God right away. Some said they had to bury their father first. Notice they did not say that they would not follow. They simply made an excuse as to why they could not do it at that time, except for Matthew. When Jesus challenged Matthew to, “Follow me,” Matthew promptly got up and went without asking any questions. When Jesus sent the seventy-two out to prepare the way for Him, they went and listened to his instructions. They quickly realized the power they had and the joy that they had in listening to God’s word and doing His will.

As much as we try to be faithful and listen for God’s voice, at times we simply cannot hear Him. In my own life these past two weeks, I have been consumed with worry, fear, angst, and at times anger. I realized that this behavior was the equivalent to me having my hands over my ears. I think at some point God may have stopped talking and just waited for me to allow myself to listen. Once I opened myself up and put myself into His hands, I was able to hear Him once again.

I know that I am human and that there will be times when, despite my quest for a holier and more faithful life, I will stand in the way of God. However, my prayer is that God will give me the grace to recognize those moments where I am covering my ears and preventing His loving words from getting through. God does answer every prayer. He answers each prayer not with what you want or when you want it, but with what you need and on His schedule for when you need it.

Happiness stems from Providence. Open your ears and hear His voice.

Pax Tecum,

Tom

Dying with Dignity...

Recently there have been several stories in the news, both local and national, of people who have died by their own hand. Whether it was a case of assisted suicide, a cheap attempt at martyrdom in the name of religion, or simply a person who has been overcome by the challenges of life and has given up, some people chose to take the very gift that God has given them into their own hands and chose when it was that they would die. Some would say that they did so in order to die a dignified and meaningful death. I strongly disagree.

There are absolute truths in this world. There are fundamental truths that are not subjective and cannot be debated. These truths are not a matter of debate or personal preference. One such truth is the law of gravity. None of us would think twice about arguing this truth, especially those of us who are more gravitationally challenged than others. Another such truth is that all of us, at some point, will face death head on. Whether it is the death of someone we love or our own death, our bodies will die. Fortunately for us, by the passion, death, and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ, death of the soul has been conquered and we who believe shall live forever.

Life is a gift. This is a truth that must also be accepted. God alone creates life. God has given the gift for a man and woman to express their complete and total love for one another, enjoin themselves to one another, and through God’s grace and the power of the Holy Spirit, create a new life. Along with this freedom comes the ability to choose to end a life. Whether it be through the killing of a child before it leaves the mother’s womb, murder, suicide, accidental death, or assisted suicide, God gives us the freedom to make choices that sometimes lead to death.

The flip side of the coin is that God also gives us the freedom to choose life. We are free to live our lives for the glory of God. We are free to love one another as God has loved us. We are free to fight for the basic human rights of others. We are free to protect the dignity of human life through our moral principles and our legislation. We are free to enjoy the simple pleasures of life itself.

This freedom, however, came at a price. Let us not forget that God Himself, in the person of His Son our Lord Jesus Christ, suffered, died, and was buried for our sins and our sins alone. God sent us His only Son so that we might learn not only how to love and to live, but how to die. Jesus endured betrayal, a broken heart, loneliness, physical pain, and suffering beyond description so that our sins might be forgiven. After being condemned to die, Jesus was scourged thousands of times until his flesh barely remained attached to his body. A crown of thorns was placed on his head mocking his role as King of Kings. Jesus then carried the very cross that would be used to bring about his death, a cross so heavy, that it cut into his shoulders and caused him to fall three times. At Golgotha, he was nailed to the cross. Large metal spikes were driven into each of his hands and both of his feet. Jesus was then hung on the cross between two thieves and allowed to suffer until his death. All the while, Jesus prayed to the Father to forgive us for what we had done.

For some the account of Jesus’ death is nothing more than a story. For some of us, we fail to associate ourselves and our own sins with Jesus’ death. Unfortunately for some, the suffering and death of Jesus means nothing to them at all.

We are a society that is infatuated with self promotion and self gratification. We strive for comfort and pleasure. We are a “drive through” society that allows us to get what we want, when we want it, for very little self sacrifice or effort. We believe that we can control our lives and that we alone have the right to make the decisions that will affect how we live. We believe that life is ours to have and also ours to take if we so choose.

The truth is, we must all learn not only how to live the life of Jesus, but also how to die like him. We must learn to die to our base passions, our lust, our greed, our selfishness. When we hurt, we should look at the pain and suffering as being redemptive. This is not to say that we should be masochistic and take pleasure in pain. However, when faced with a difficult and painful situation, we must then realize that God suffers along with us and will not give us more to bear. I have said before that God will not give us a cross that we cannot carry. Recently I came across this quote from St. Frances de Sales that describes it better:

“The everlasting God has in his wisdom foreseen from eternity the cross that he now presents to you as a gift from his inmost heart. This cross he now sends you he has considered with his all-knowing eyes, understood with his divine mind, tested with his wise justice, warmed with loving arms, and weighed with his own hands to see that it be not one inch too large and not one ounce too heavy for you. He has blessed it with his holy Name, anointed it with his grace, perfumed it with his consolation, taken one last glance at you and your courage, and then sent it to you from heaven, a special greeting from God to you, an alms of the all-merciful love of God.”

On a recent discussion board, I read the following. “A person’s character is defined by how they lived and not how they died.” I disagree with this statement. What about the martyrs and saints who when facing torture and death remained loyal to their beliefs and professed their faith in God? What about St. Maximilian Kolbe who stepped out of line in Auschwitz to take the place of a husband and father who was condemned to die in the death chamber? What about the passengers of Flight 93? We know very little about how they lived, but we honor the manner in which they died. And, of course, let us not forget the death of our Lord Jesus Christ.

To sum it all up, there is no dignity in choosing to take your own life. There is no dignity in choosing death instead of seeing yourself “whither away.” There is no dignity in telling God that you are not willing to suffer any longer. There is nothing that we suffer that God has not already taken upon Himself. Having said that, we must be compassionate towards those who choose to end their life. We must pray to God and ask for His mercy on their souls. Nothing good comes from speaking ill of the dead.

As Catholics, we pray for a happy death. We ask for our Blessed Mother’s intercession at the time of our greatest need. We pray:

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed are thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Pax Tecum,

Tom

It may not be all about me, but it starts with me….

To say that this past week has been difficult would be an understatement. However, the pain and suffering of the last week is best described as growing pains. After listening to Most Reverend Gregory Aymond saying to three men who were about to be ordained to the priesthood, “It’s not about you,” I vowed to work harder at living my life that was less about me and more about Christ.

Immediately upon making this vow, I started to fail miserably in accomplishing my task. It started Sunday morning. Throughout the morning I had difficulty trusting in God. I was overcome with worry about my future and what God had planned for me. I felt uneasy as I knew I had talked about trusting in the Lord, but could not follow my own advice.

Something happens to me when I go to work. I don’t think some people would recognize the person I was this week. Fueled by stress, a lack of sleep, poor diet, and a failure to attend mass daily, I started on a downward spiral. I won’t go into all of the issues at work because they are unimportant to the point I am trying to make. I was consumed by things that I did not think were right. I was overly concerned with what others were and were not doing. I pointed out all the faults and injustices that I perceived to be happening. I was disrespectful, disobedient, uncharitable, and an all around grouch. I blamed the job. I blamed the people. I blamed my unhappiness on everything and everyone other than the true source. I failed to recognize that the problem was me.

This life is not all about me. That is a given, However, I think that Bishop Aymond could have followed up his line with, “but it starts with you.” Instead of worrying about how others are living their lives and how other people’s choices affect you, you should examine your own actions and thoughts to see how well you are living a life of true discipleship. Archbishop Timothy Dolan, in one of his books, is quoted as saying, “the starting point of spiritual growth, the first step in true discipleship, is humble recognition of a profound gratitude for God’s love for us.”

As I left the office on Wednesday I came to a sudden realization that I was in danger. I was in danger of being consumed completely and totally by anger, resentment, jealousy, and self-loathing. It was clearly an attack on the soul. I went to mass and knew that I was in no condition to receive Jesus Christ in the Eucharist. The fact that I was not able to receive the healing power of Our Lord at that moment when I needed it most was a wake-up call. I left mass having resigned my self to rectify the situation. I went to confession Wednesday night and made probably one of my most sincere, heartfelt, and healing confessions.

It was through prayer and the sacraments that I realized that my unhappiness was my own fault. I was allowing myself to be consumed with how others were living their lives. I was judging others by a standard that I, myself, was not living up to. I was looking for reasons to be upset and was taking things too seriously. This weekend I came across a quote from Edward Benson that spoke to me, “How desperately difficult it is to be honest with oneself! It is so much easier to be honest about the foibles of others!”

This week, while difficult, has been one filled with grace as well. This week has taught me that while I am growing in my faith, I still have a lot of maturing and growing to do. St. Francis de Sales has the best advice for us when he says, “Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself. I mean, do not be disturbed with your imperfections, and always rise up bravely from a fall.” There will be times in our lives when all of us fall. Jesus fell three times due to the weight of his cross. How many more times, in our weakness and humanity, will we fall than God Himself? The fall itself is not as important as whether or not you rise up from that fall and grow as a result of it.

I thank God for the gift of this week. Even though I am tired and not happy with how I behaved this week, I am thankful that our Lord forgives us for our faults and our weaknesses. It is in our weakness that we grow closer to God. He does not give us more than we can handle. God has given us the freedom to choose what type of life we will lead. We can choose to be consumed by the things of this world, by pettiness, by judging others, by anger, by resentment, or we can choose to humble ourselves, turn inward to find Christ’s love, and then radiate that love outward to others. To steal a line from a good and faithful priest, “the choice is yours….choose well.”

Pax Tecum,

Tom