Why am I doing this?

There have been plenty of times in my brief time in seminary that I have asked myself this question. Sometimes it is difficult to see how my activity is directed towards any sort of end or goal (this is of course not a problem if you deny we are a teleological people). The most recent example of this came this past weekend as I spent three hours in the rectory of my home parish studying Ancient Greek Philosophy in preparation for writing a five page paper (which is extremely short in length). Admittedly I am not the most efficient studier and tend to do much more work than necessary. This often leads me to get frustrated and ask myself again, “why am I doing this [studying, seminary, etc].”

I ask myself this question most often when I am tired, stressed, worried, frustrated, struggling, or suffering in some way. For some reason, my struggling, suffering, etc., does not seem to be necessary in achieving my goal. As a means to avoid putting myself in a situation where the question may loom over me like a dark cloud, I try to get to bed earlier, take more time to relax, go for a walk, and perhaps the most effective of all, I spend time in front of the tabernacle talking to God about it all.

God’s answers are rarely given on my time table or in the manner in which I look for them, but when they do come, they are quite clear. Recently God has reminded me several times why I am in seminary and doing all the things that goes along with it. Last week I had the opportunity to work with a good friend who is a Director of Youth Ministry here in Irving. We put on a skit for the teens that we had previously done in College Station. The skit was well received and I was able to talk with the teens about the gift of Faith and our act of Faith as a response to that gift. The talk went well and I could tell that the words were not my own but were also born of the many past experiences when I was probably asking myself, “why am I doing this?” It was a great night and very consoling to feel that God may have used me to bring about some good in someone else’s life.

God also answers my questions every time I am able to come home and spend time in my parish community. I love being in any parish, but especially my parish in College Station. I love that people are willing to share their joys, struggles, questions, doubts, convictions, hopes, and dreams with me. I love that people are willing to share their lives with me in that way. I love being able to walk around and visit with the many different families and ask how things are going. I love being able to serve Mass with those same people and to see the expression of God’s love both on the altar and in the pews. I love being able to spend time with my best friend and watch him play with his little girl. I love the many ways in which God gives us the gift of his love.

Now please don’t think that I have turned into some overly optimistic warm and fuzzy do-gooder (said with a smile). We all know that while the birds may be singing outside my room this morning, if they stay too long I will show them where the St. Francis bird bath is far away from my room and out of earshot. I simply want to share with you all that for every time that I have asked myself the question that I have chosen for the title of this post, God uses all of you and the people around me to give an answer. For that, whether your response is intended or not, I say thank you.

Pax Tecum,
Tom

P.S. Just as a side note, you know you are old when the challenge becomes not how late can you stay up but how early can you go to bed. Last night, I won!

Litany of Pleasant Surprises

As I write this blog entry, I am sitting in my room at Holy Trinity Seminary in Irving, TX preparing to start my second year of seminary. I have been here at the seminary for about five days getting settled, attending meetings, and completing incessant amounts of paperwork. Classes start in the morning so tonight will undoubtedly be an early night.

However, before I turn in I thought that I might post a few thoughts that I have had over the past few weeks. After my time in College Station in early August, I traveled to Temple, TX to visit Fr. Ramiro Tarazona at his parish. Fr. Ramiro and I became friends while he was working at my home parish in College Station for two years. He is only ten days older than me and we like to tease each other like brothers even though I call him, “Father.”

After visiting with Fr. Ramiro, I made the short trip across town to Cedarbrake Retreat Center for the annual Seminarian Convocation. This year certainly had a different feel to it than last year. As we were welcoming our new Vocations Director, we were saying goodbye to our beloved Bishop Aymond. We were fortunate to have Archbishop Aymond with us for the entire three days and got to celebrate his last Mass as Bishop of Austin with him. It was difficult for me personally to say goodbye to him as he has had a profound impact on my life, not only as a Bishop, but as a spiritual father and I dare say, a friend.

Once the convocation was over I headed to Hutto where I stayed the night with family before leaving for Corpus Christi the next day. I spent several days with a priest-friend in Banquete, TX, where I was able to read, sleep, and pray in peace. It was a spiritually rewarding time and may become an annual tradition. I then returned back to College Station where I spent nine days with friends and family before heading back to seminary.

I must admit that my head was spinning the first few days that I was back at seminary. It seemed as though I had not left and that summer flew by. I immediately encountered some of the challenges that come with community life, but I also discovered a litany of pleasant surprises. I will list some of them for you here:

- 46 Seminarians from 9 dioceses (welcome Beaumont and Corpus Christi)
- Completely remodeled Refectory (dining hall)
- Remodeled entryway near the Chapel
- Remodeled Student Lounge
- New Faculty members
- New Kitchen Staff (the food is superb right now!)
- Two of the freshmen are talented Jazz musicians. Three of us were sitting in the upstairs TV lounge when we heard them playing and went in search of the source. We were pleasantly surprised to find them jamming out in the music room.
- One of the Pre-Theologians is a talented organist. Again, I was drawn by the music I heard coming from the Chapel and walked in to find Kris from the Diocese of Victoria playing the organ. Many people will remember him from playing the organ at St. Mary’s and St. Thomas Aquinas. He sits next to me in chapel and it is nice to have a familiar face around. Of course, it would be nicer to see some more faces from St. Thomas Aquinas (hint…hint).
- As of right now, I have Tuesdays and Thursdays off from classes although I will have the occasional appointment on those days. It should give me plenty of time to exercise, pray, study, etc.

There are other pleasant changes but I will save them for another time. I am about to go do one of my new favorite daily rituals and that is to take a walk after dinner. I try to invite a different seminarian each time and it gives me a chance to talk with them. I will then return to my room and try to be in bed by 9:30PM or 10:00PM. The alarm goes off at 5:15AM for a full day of class. This year I am taking: Systematic Theology I, Ancient Philosophy, Early Modern Philosophy, and Philosophy of God. I am also taking a Philosophy of Catholic Ethics class correspondence that will require me to travel to Austin 7 or 8 times throughout the year.

I hope that all of you are in good health and good spirits. Feel free to leave comments, questions you would like answered, prayer requests, etc. All of you remain in my prayers daily.

Pax Tecum,
Tom